Ikkyu student that's a "weiner"

[powerof0ne]

I'm dealing with an awkward situation right now, basically a student at where I train/teach is afraid to train with me. He literally drove as soon as he came and saw I was going to be teaching Muay Thai last night. Monday night he told the school owner that he doesn't want to train with me because he's afraid I'll hurt him.

My experience with this student has been as follows: I tried to help him out in some one step sparring, giving him pointers and never hurting him. He's held pads for me a few times while kicking, kneeing, punching, etc...The last time he did(keep in mind I was hitting pads, not him)hold pads for me he made up some excuse that he ate before he came and couldn't anymore so the school owner held pads for me. Less than a minute later I see him kicking while someone else is holding pads for him and to be honest I got upset and said something like: "Hey, your stomache is upset, I don't want you to get sick, you shouldn't do that!"

What I said might have not been the wisest thing but this is a 16 y/o Ikkyu(3rd brown right before shodan).

I feel like a jerk that this student is afraid of me and I'd like to get a chance to talk to him privately to let him know that I'm trying to help him "toughen up". Obviously, I'm not going to call him out on his excuses again. In all honesty I have no idea how he even got to Ikkyu being as timid as he is. I'm now Mas Oyama by any means so his fear of me hurting him while he holds pads for me is kind of weird(it's a first).

I'd appreciate any advice by any of you, especially if you have been in similar situations.

[Spirit At Choice]

As a student, I know how intimidating it can be to hold targets for a powerful kicker. I once got knocked completely off the Wavemaster I was holding, and had my glasses knocked clear off my face. Scary as it is to be on the receiving end of that, it's all psychological. I was not hurt.

Since he seems to have targeted you for some reason, it might be best to let another instructor, or the owner, sort it out with him before you engage him. Or at least have another person present when you talk to him.

If he's afraid of you, regardless of if it's reasonable, it is a very real fear to him. So, just be considerate of that.

Good luck!

[niel0092]

Sounds like his problem, not yours. If he comes to your class pair him up with someone other than yourself so you can both get your reps in.

[powerof0ne]

My concern is not wanting to see the student quit and trying to encourage him to stay and progress. Not to be afraid of me when he really has no reason to be, I've never even sparred with him and even if I did he wouldn't get hurt.

The owner and I talked about it and basically we're going to try to have a talk with this student and try to tell him I'm at the school to help him out.

[powerof0ne]

My concern is not wanting to see the student quit and trying to encourage him to stay and progress. Not to be afraid of me when he really has no reason to be, I've never even sparred with him and even if I did he wouldn't get hurt.

The owner and I talked about it and basically we're going to try to have a talk with this student and try to tell him I'm at the school to help him out.

[Menjo]

My concern is not wanting to see the student quit and trying to encourage him to stay and progress. Not to be afraid of me when he really has no reason to be, I've never even sparred with him and even if I did he wouldn't get hurt.

The owner and I talked about it and basically we're going to try to have a talk with this student and try to tell him I'm at the school to help him out.

Mind you, he also may be pulling some guilt tricks to in his own way get back at you for making him feel less of himself.

[powerof0ne]

Yeah, you might be right...If this is the case I'm not going to do what the typical "me" would do, I'm going to try to encourage him to train. Unfortunately what I think happened was someone was babied too much at their past school. I found out from the owner that he had him retest for Ikkyu(he had Ikkyu from another school so the owner had him test at his), and that after kumite this person went into the bathroom and cried for a period of time. Came back out and finished the test so the owner passed him. This individual's form isn't even that good and I admire that he finished the test I'm not so sure if feeling sorry for someone is a good enough reason to pass them in rank.

This individual has allready said he doesn't want to test for Shodan because he saw a Shodan test and it looked to hard for him. It's a frustrating situation because part of me is kind of in hardcore Sensei mode where I want to drill this kid hard, to toughen him up. But, at the same time I know that doing such a thing would discourage him and that I need to be more subtle about it because I would like to see him continue to train. This kid by all means probably gets picked on at school and Karate could be a great boost to his self-esteem.

With all of that being said this kid would not have been an ikkyu back when I was an ikkyu in the dojo I received it from.

[Menjo]

Yea, all you can do is give him the path to develop his spirit, without his determination or courage, you will only waste your time. Perhaps this can be training for you also, a test of your teaching abilities in many different ways...

But yea, I think your post is showing enough that in your situation you seem to know what to do in cases.

Even though I have no experiance teaching and have many years to come before that will happen, I would like you said encourage him to train by showing him a side of martial arts that might appeal to him, he lacks fire, so he needs a boost, then he can grow(with your help).

He may never be a Miyamoto Musashi, or a Mas Oyama, but I dont think it would be fair to declare the kid to not having a martial art potential, not yet.

[powerof0ne]

Yeah, I talked about it again and the owner and I are just holding our breath & basically crossing our fingers in hopes that this student will turn around and basically "toughen up".

I'll just try to be nice to him and offer him advice, try to motivate him to train but it's really frustrating. I'd like to see this kid progress in Karate and just try, train...stop making excuses and try, that's all I'd like to see. At Ikkyu level I expect this from karateka is why it's frustrating, he was promoted/tested to this rank before I had anything to do with the dojo. With his current attitude he won't be testing for Shodan any time soon.

Oh well, thanks for the advice guys, especially you, Menjo.

[JusticeZero]

Totally theoretical.. Try setting him some goal he could do in his sleep. then slowly notch it up in a way that it LOOKS like you're only adding really small amounts to it. But babystep it up REALLY OFTEN and in so many tiny ways that it's not immediately apparent that you're gearing up to a hard workout.

However, i'd guess that you just can't change the guy. He'll crumple the moment any pressure is put on him, and you won't be able to fix that. fortunately he agrees that he doesn't want to advance, so he'll be content with helping the new people and such and paying regular dues.