A Public Response from Shin-Ra (Final Fantasy 7 joke)

[Cybren]

"The Truth about Mako"

With the latest attacks by the eco-terrorist group AVALANCHE, some suggest that they are justified in destroying Shin-Ra's patented Mako technology. We at Shin-Ra feel this can't be farther from the truth.

There are several common arguments purported by Shin-Ra's corporate competitors"

The oil and coal sectors have been mobilizing a massive mudslinging campaign against Shin-Ra, and many have sent financial support to AVALANCHE. In fact, the leader of AVALANCHE is Barret Wallace, a former citizen of Corel. Corel was once a prominent coal mining town, before the dangerous practice of burning the polluting coal was put to rest by the cleaner and much safer patented Mako Reactor Technology. Barret was actually outcast from Corel for supporting violent terrorist actions against the Shin-Ra corporate officials who had visited the area. Were it not for the negative actions of Mr.Wallace, Shin-Ra could have brought wealth and prosperity to Corel.

Another figure in the fight against Shin-Ra's progress in the energy field has been Cosmo Canyon. Despite the fact that Shin-Ra has not brought any ill will to Cosmo Canyon, it’s leader, Bungenhagen has publicly claimed that Mako harms the planet, and that its use is 'draining the planets life force'. This is a completely baseless assertion. Shin-Ra has the safety of the planet and its environment in mind. Bungenhagen slings this anti-Shin-Ra sentiment to mobilize support for his fringe group of terrorists, and to take attention away from their illegal use of slavery of the intelligent species of dog that naturally inhabits the land.

None the less, many people seem to support the argument that Mako harms the planet. They cite the dying of the flora around Midgard, which currently uses 80% of the worlds Mako production, as proof of its negative effects. However, Mako reactors are converting harmful radioactive and poisonous materials into benign and harmless electricity. Bungenhagen claims that it drains the "life stream". However, our scientists know that the "life stream" is a pool of deadly and radioactive materials. It's refinement into safe electricity is only beneficial.

The condition of the land around Midgard is a result of the eco-terrorists such as AVALANCHE destroying the important Mako-Refinement reactors, which convert Mako from its natural form, (which destroys life, and creates sterile ‘Mako pools’, features of rock which have been completely irradiated, and made unsuitable for supporting natural species of life such as plants and fungi, helpful little creatures that uphold the planets homeostasis) releasing it into the atmosphere in its radioactive form. Despite heightened Shin-Ra security, they continue to destroy our facilities, causing more harm than good, by far.

[Flying_Tiger]

uuummmmm, I don't see how this text could be considered a joke. A little role-play perhaps, but not a joke. I give you an "A" for effort however.