Losing Control

[coralreefer_1]

I would be thrilled to test here in Korea, as was mentioned, not that many people get that opportunity. But for testing here, all i have to do is Poomse, and a round of sparring, and that is all that is required. At my dojang in America, we must do that, plus all the 1 step sparring techniques from all previous levels, about 15 hapkido defense techniques, 3 breaking techniques, your choice of a creative poomse or a weapons poomse, a 5km run, a writen essay, and what we call "Leadership Requirements" which basically means 3 months before your test, you must take a minimum of 6 lower-ranking students under your wing, and assist them with learning taekwondo. You must contact them at least once a week, and answer any questions they may have, help them with problem areas of their training. They must come with you to the testing, and my master expects you to know all about them. He might ask me what little "johnnys" favorite food is, or what "Saras" phone number is. The point is to display leadership quality.

This particular master asked to test me a few months ago, but at that time, i was planning to go home for a visit, and had already arranged to test at home. But I had to cancel that trip. My master usually comes to Korea ever year with a bunch of his students around Thanksgiving, but this year, he cancelled the trip, because next April, he will be celebrating the 20th Anniversery of the founding of his dojang, and is busy making preperations for that.

Frankly, I'm in no hurry to test. I'd be just as happy to wear a white belt as a black belt. But i feel like it would be disrespectful to turn this masters' offer to test again, so I will probably do it, even though I feel like I'd be getting off easy.

Todd

[White Warlock]

My honest opinion is the guy deserved it.

There are plenty more of the Koreans in the room, and his actions were basically that of a bully, exploiting your trust (read this article) and then laughing in your face, all the while knowing that his 30 or so friends in the dojang would have run to his defense and you would have been attacked... or expelled. You have nothing to be ashamed of, regardless of how you think you should behave in such a situation.

My take on this is that some training studios browbeat you into thinking you should show an outrageous degree of respect. I say outrageous because there's a point where when respect is not reciprocated, and your safety is on the line, you stop. You simply stop. Either you stop presenting respect or stop participating, but the undertone of some studios is to give you the impression when someone intentionally injures you during training, you're the one that's supposed to be apologetic. That's outright doublethink from Jules Verne's 1984, and that is why you are confused.

The martial arts studio is many things, but one thing it is not, is a place where bullies can exploit you. I recommend discussing these issues with the instructor of the class, and with your instructor back home. Whatever you do though, don't grovel for forgiveness, when you were clearly not in the wrong for showing the guy there are repercussions for 'exploiting your trust.'

[coralreefer_1]

My honest opinion is the guy deserved it.

My take on this is that some training studios browbeat you into thinking you should show an outrageous degree of respect. I say outrageous because there's a point where when respect is not reciprocated, and your safety is on the line, you stop.

The thing is, here in Korea, age is more important than rank. In America, if the 13 year old boy outranks you..you bow to him to show respect for his rank. But here, its all about age. Even though most of those guys in that class are 3rd and 4th dans(though their skill is laughable) they are all mostly between 20 and 23. But I am the oldest student at this college, and everyone respects me for that, because in Korea, age is more important than rank when it comes to respect. But even though I'm older than those certain students, and even though my skill is better than them, it just left a bad taste in their mouth to see their hero(captain) made to look badly. Its been a few days since the incident now, and even though I still know I was wrong for losing my control, I dont feel as badly for that guy anymore. And frankly, I'm anxious for this the next class I have with them to see what kind of reaction I get.

He was wrong, I know, but I'm too old to go complaining to a teacher because I got kicked. I've been kicked before, and I'll get kicked again. I've dealt with dojang bullies before, I've even had my rib cracked by one who was all so eager to kick the crap out of me years ago, but these guys are still children after all, and I think after this incident, they will think twice before they get froggy with me again. So after this guy went to all his friends and told them i kicked him in the teeth(I saw his showing his lips and teeth to his friends afterwards) im positive they will tread more carefully around me.

But Im glad to know so many of you supported my actions in this case, even though in general, losing our temper is wrong.

[White Warlock]

I'm not sure i would state you lost your temper, as i would say you tempered your anger. You released it just enough to get a point across.

I had a similar situation happen many years back, and i reacted in much the same way. I hold no regrets now, although i did then. I've had plenty of time to cogitate on what happened, and i didn't lose my temper... i merely did what needed to be done in a manner that could best be understood by the other person. In order for me to do it, i utilized my anger to step outside of the "trust relationship" that i usually maintain. The end result was a very clean set of actions with precise targeting that although made mild contact and caused no damage, in combination with my intensity it sent a very clear message... that i attempted to immediately retract with apologies.

Suffice it to say, despite my apologies, the message was received. Btw, the respect factor i am referring to has nothing to do with rank or age, but of all persons within the training hall. You have been trained to show respect to everyone in the training hall, despite their age or rank, right? In other words, i wasn't referring to authority.

My final comment is this. We study the martial arts, not dance or calligraphy. It is not about expressing oneself, and therefore it should not be led by emotions. However, emotions are a part of you and they do play a part in analyzing information you are subjected to. We cannot rely solely on logic. Our emotions help us to deal with circumstances that defy logic, such as the incident you experienced.

thanks for reading

[Kill Jill]

It's interesting.

As you know, I'm also in Korea, but I'm not at quite a serious training level as yourself. It's much renowned that many foreigners find it hard to be accepted in the 'inner circle' of the Korean students at such colleges, especially if they are not fluent Korean speakers. Many of these students are in truly close cliques while they live together and train together 24-7. Are you in this circle?

I've also had unusual sparring situations in Korea. In one school, no opponent EVER made a single move on me, I guess because I was female. I got no actual sparring practice at all during that time, and it was really frustrating. In another - my black belt test, actually - I gave one relatively mild back kick to my sparring partner who had delivered about 10 kicks to my knees, she keeled over, and made out as if she was going to die in front of all the judges. Everyone gave me such black looks. I apologized so much, but she never contacted me again, and my instructor said that I 'shouldn't have made any contact to the body.' Well, heck, what are you supposed to do?

I think that you shouldn't lose your calm in such a situation, but just take out any frustration on a kick bag rather than on a Korean!