Just Talking+Don't understand women

[man thing]

Hey everybody, just felt talkative.

Nobody responds to me at my previous dojo's website. I must not have beeen popular after all. But anyway,

Some chucklehead harrases my girlfriend and she begs me not to step in. Of course I did anyhow, but not violently. I didn't have to handle it that way.

Now she's expelled from college (where I have friends, contacts) for no reason, partly because of my above paragraph I think, as well as lies about her.

And guess what? She doesn't want me to say anything to anybody! What will it hurt I ask her? I won't lose friends because thats not what they were to start with. No, its time to break ties with the so-called friends.

Haha, rushed through all that, hope its understandable.

Ladies shouldn't be afraid to ask for help. I don't quite get it.

[ravenzoom]

You're right!!

[man thing]

I'm still just rambling my thoughts.

Its just now occurring to me that she underestimates me. She laughed when she found out that I lifted weights. She was very surprised when she learned of my BJJ training. I haven't even told her about my diverse MA training before BJJ.

I feel that other people underestimate me to. Prolly because:

I'm very courteous to people as long as I can be. If nobody bothers with me, I don't bother nobody.

In sports or MA's, I never try to show anybody up-especially not anybody smaller.

I just think its so childish to put all your cards on the table and use every oppurtunity to put yourself on display. I mean, I would expect those attitudes from junior high punks; but we're in our early 20's now.

I would much rather people hear of my accomplishments through somebody else; that way they know I'm not just bragging.

If somebody says something to stir me up against a 3rd party, I simply pass it off. That happens all the time. I think," Yeah, I could take him, but he hasn't done anything at all."

People don't say anyhing to my face: they are respectful to me as I am to them usually. But sometimes I get word that they think I couldn't be capable of hurting anybody.

If someboy doesn't think I'm tough enough, why don't they tell me so to my face? They would learn a few things about underestimating clean-cut skinny kids.

I've tracked down people that I had problems with (problems that really needed to be adressed): sometimes I can straighten the situation out; sometimes I've had to fight.

I've lost, I've won, in the dojo, on the street. But I don't ever tell anybody exept on the internet, where nobody knows my name.

[monkeygirl]

I understand your position in a lot of ways. I'm in college and only about 5 people know of my MA background. It's not something I'm working very hard to keep secret, I just avoid the topic. If it came up, I wouldn't lie about it...I just try to keep it from coming up. Thus why a few people know...and they understand that I'd like to keep it a "secret". It's very difficult though. It's such a huge part of who I am. I definitely don't tell stories that I otherwise would.

I'm confused though...why was your girlfriend expelled from college?

[man thing]

Well, I think it was partly because I confronted that guy that was bothering her: he or one of his friends might have been the author of the lies that have gone around. And I know they're lies because some of the stories involved me (i.e. breaking curfew,etc).

So she has been dealt with unfairly. But yet the fact that she doesn't want me to step in and get involved has some of my close friends and family suspiscious. I just know I'm real confused right now. And very lonely: she moved several hours away. Will see if that stops me.

[Goju_boi]

I'm like u except on the skinny part and the girlfriend part.

[man thing]

I'm like u except on the skinny part and the girlfriend part.

Well, I'm just getting used to the whole girlfriend thing again. Dang, I feel so civilized and gentle around her! I don't see how these cage fighters bring their loved ones to ring side. I can't imagine getting into my rare "killer-animal" mode around her.

[White Warlock]

Hmm, i'll toss in a few things.

You determine someone underestimating you only on the physical aptitude, how about the mental aptitude? Do you think they gauge your intelligence/insight correctly? Frankly, who cares if someone underestimates your physicals? It only means they won't be as inclined to 'use' you or 'test' you. But, if they underestimate your intelligence/insight, it could disfavor you when it comes to gaining credibility as you present your arguments or thoughts. So someone underestimating your intelligence/insight is not a good thing, while them underestimating your physical aptitude 'is' a good thing.

Moving on...

Your girlfriend has reasons for not wanting you to talk about her issues. As she is an adult, I think it is entirely up to her what she wants you to not share about her life and her problems. If you know of things that are happening in her life, and she asks you to keep it quiet, it would be respectful of you to do so. I'm sure having been kicked out of college is a great shame for her, so flaunting it or talking about it to friends/ex-friends is simply disrespecting her wishes and hurting her as a whole.

As to the specifics, people don't get 'expelled' from college on a whim, or even a baseless lie. They get 'expelled' for legitimate reasons, and rarely are they 'small' reasons. A college can get sued harsh, and even be subject to Federal charges, for denying someone an education... which is essentially what they are doing by expelling her. Therefore, they don't 'expel' arbitrarily. If she is unwilling to resolve the problem, it is probably because she cannot. One cannot change the past, one can only present the facts. And if the facts don't clear her name, then she has to live with whatever 'consequences' are associated with whatever she did.

If, on the other hand, the persons you are referring to had committed a crime, such as rape or harrassment (sexual or otherwise)... then you 'do' need to intervene, and with extreme prejudice. My first route would be to talk to her, and attempt to convince her to go to the (campus?) police... file 'formal' charges.

As to whatever allegations were made that caused her to be expelled, if they included allegations of your participation, and you were not a participant, then you can participate now... by presenting to the college evidence that you were not at the scenes, nor at the times, of the allegations. I.e., present alibi. And while you're doing that, go ahead and see if you can tie her to a few alibis too.

My last comment is this: It seems you are not full aware of the severity of the issue your girlfriend is dealing with. Being expelled from a college can be a truly disheartening incident. It can cause someone to think rather extreme thoughts, such as suicide. I'm not saying this is the case here, but you need to understand the severity of the incident. By your posts, i don't gather you have considered such... in fact your posts seem rather self-absorbed, focusing more on how she or others may perceive you in your efforts to act than they are in what's going on with your gf and how you can help her.

When you help someone, it should be 'without' expectation and should be done with as much selflessness as possible. Remove your ego from this entire thing. These events are about her, not you.

My opinion

[Goju_boi]

great advice as always.By now I'm guessing youre probably some 30 something or 40 somethin year old man, because you always know what to say and how to say it.And that shows you have some sort of experience in life.

[man thing]

Hmm, i'll toss in a few things.

Moving on...

Your girlfriend has reasons for not wanting you to talk about her issues. As she is an adult, I think it is entirely up to her what she wants you to not share about her life and her problems. If you know of things that are happening in her life, and she asks you to keep it quiet, it would be respectful of you to do so. I'm sure having been kicked out of college is a great shame for her, so flaunting it or talking about it to friends/ex-friends is simply disrespecting her wishes and hurting her as a whole.

Absolutely. Which is why I didn't go to any of the authorities yet. I really gotta say I don't think you understood my posts. I haven't talked about the situation or flaunted it in any way.

As to the specifics, people don't get 'expelled' from college on a whim, or even a baseless lie. They get 'expelled' for legitimate reasons, and rarely are they 'small' reasons. A college can get sued harsh, and even be subject to Federal charges, for denying someone an education... which is essentially what they are doing by expelling her. Therefore, they don't 'expel' arbitrarily.

I'm not so sure about that: this is a small private college. Three people got expelled in one week without any connection between them.

If she is unwilling to resolve the problem, it is probably because she cannot. One cannot change the past, one can only present the facts. And if the facts don't clear her name, then she has to live with whatever 'consequences' are associated with whatever she did.

But I don't know of any wrong she's done at all. If I already know of lies that got her in trouble, why couldn't there be more?

If, on the other hand, the persons you are referring to had committed a crime, such as rape or harrassment (sexual or otherwise)... then you 'do' need to intervene, and with extreme prejudice. My first route would be to talk to her, and attempt to convince her to go to the (campus?) police... file 'formal' charges.

No, not that serious. But I did intervene, as I said.

As to whatever allegations were made that caused her to be expelled, if they included allegations of your participation, and you were not a participant, then you can participate now... by presenting to the college evidence that you were not at the scenes, nor at the times, of the allegations. I.e., present alibi. And while you're doing that, go ahead and see if you can tie her to a few alibis too.

Oh absolutely. But I don't live there. She begged me to not get too involved: now I think I maybe should have.

My last comment is this: It seems you are not full aware of the severity of the issue your girlfriend is dealing with. Being expelled from a college can be a truly disheartening incident. It can cause someone to think rather extreme thoughts, such as suicide. I'm not saying this is the case here, but you need to understand the severity of the incident. By your posts, i don't gather you have considered such... in fact your posts seem rather self-absorbed, focusing more on how she or others may perceive you in your efforts to act than they are in what's going on with your gf and how you can help her.

When you help someone, it should be 'without' expectation and should be done with as much selflessness as possible. Remove your ego from this entire thing. These events are about her, not you.

Look. I'm trying to find out what, if anything, she did. If she has done something, I have to know in order to continue this. Because if I don't I will as well break with this place and people very close to me. So you see these events are very much "about" me. And I still care about how she and others perceive my actions. She needs to know that I'm trying to help her. I already have a good idea how to help her: but I need to do it in such a way that I don't mess things up even worse. Other people's perceptions about me very much affect the degree to which I can help her. If my ego were what this is all about, I would just let everything lie as it is: her without college and with a bad reputation. But thanks for the advice. I'll try to continue to keep my ego out.