funny Martial art definitions

[niel0092]

Found this on the net the other day. I laughed so hard at a few I almost fell out of my chair. It's all in good fun so dont take any of it too personally. Enjoy!

Martial Arts Terms:

Aikido: A martial art, which allows you to defeat your enemy without hurting him. Unless of course he does not know how to ukemi properly, in which case he has his wrist broken in about 20 places.

Arnis: "Harness of the hand." A Filipino martial art, also known as Eskrima and Kali, centering on stick, blade and empty hand combat. Mispronunciation of the arts name guarantees a quick demonstration of the art itself.

Dan: A term used in the Japanese martial arts for anyone who has achieved the rank of at least first-degree black belt. Not to be confused with “Darn” a term used by the wearer of a Dan when they realize that they will now get hit harder and more frequently during training.

Hapkido: Think of it as “origami with people”.

Hakama: A skirt sometimes worn in the Martial Arts but we don't really like to talk about it.

Judo: "Gentle way." A Japanese art where grown men roll around cuddling each other without apparently doing any damage. These men are often closet Hakama wearers.

Jujitsu: A lot like judo expect that these boys like to inflict slightly more damage. Tend to get very angry when accused of being Hakama wearers and often are heard saying "You gotta a big mouth"

Karate: "Empty hand" or "China hand." The primary purpose of this art is the destruction of wood and other natural products. Most Karate styles have a placing on Green Peace's most wanted list. Karate people enjoy pain, this is shown by their habit of fighting with their fists on their hips.

Kata: A series of prearranged maneuvers practiced in many of the Oriental martial arts in order to avoid free sparring or anything else that may involve pain.

Kendo: A strange and unusual past-time involving hitting each other with sticks and making in-human sounds. Could be a cult??

Kung fu: A generic term for a majority of the Chinese martial arts. Many of these arts involve the emulation of animals. Many students of Praying Mantis spend years attempting to obtain the other 4 legs while students of Monkey Kung-fu tend to find themselves being carted off by men in white lab coats.

Master: A title bestowed on a martial artist who has attained advanced rank after long years of study or has started his own style after achieving kyu grades in at least 4 arts, or has completed the "Become a Master by Video" course available for only 19.95 per month.

Ninja: A rather confused individual who likes sneaking around at night in his pajamas.

Ninjutsu: The art of being confused and sneaking around in your pajamas

Sparring: Bashing each other senseless in the hope that nobody realizes that you don't know any kata or techniques.

Tae Kwon Do: An unusual martial art that relies on its followers to have the flexibility of a professional ballet dancer.

Tai Chi Chuan: Another unusual art that promises ultimate power from moving very slowly for many years. The drawbacks being that by the time you develop the ultimate power you are close to death anyway.

[y2_sub]

Cool

[Menjo]

lol that is cool, i enjoyed it very much

[scottnshelly]

Awww, nothing for Kenpo! Pretty funny read though.

[sdargie]

That was really funny. I liked the closet hakema part.

[aefibird]

very funny!!

[vertigo]

That's pretty good..

[SubGrappler]

Awww, nothing for Kenpo! Pretty funny read though.

Kenpo = Karate

[scottnshelly]

Kenpo = Karate

(Karate: "Empty hand" or "China hand." The primary purpose of this art is the destruction of wood and other natural products. Most Karate styles have a placing on Green Peace's most wanted list. Karate people enjoy pain, this is shown by their habit of fighting with their fists on their hips.)

Most Kenpoka don’t chamber their hands on their waists as stated. I think this was directed more toward the Okinawan and Japanese styles. A lot of Korean styles also chamber on their waste and break boards. This isn’t the right forum for the infamous Karate vs. Kenpo discussion, but I thought I’d point that out.

[sho-dan-webby]

hahahaha lmao!!!! i like the kata one!!