Have I failed as a martial artist?

[elbows_and_knees]

3) You allowed your temper to get the better of you. While understandable (I've done it myself), it's like beating a puppy. They don't really understand why they are being beaten.

that's not true. This wasn't some newb who had no clue what the agreed upon rules were. He knew full well what he was doing, thus he wasn't beating a puppy.

[Aodhan]

3) You allowed your temper to get the better of you. While understandable (I've done it myself), it's like beating a puppy. They don't really understand why they are being beaten.

that's not true. This wasn't some newb who had no clue what the agreed upon rules were. He knew full well what he was doing, thus he wasn't beating a puppy.

I was referring to the perception that the kid (presumably) has. Most people that do things like this equate others' behavior and motivation as being the same as their own, so they don't associate a cause (Hit him in the face) with the effect (Get my butt kicked). Most of the time someone that has the values that allow them to hit late, etc. will expect the same from others, so when it happens, they don't associate their action as being the causative factor. They don't associate it, so they don't learn from it. Much like my aforementioned puppy.

Aodhan

[Aodhan]

You come here looking for validation and reassurance

Hardly. I come here looking for the opinions of marital artists whom I respect. Never validation, and never reassurance. I'm willing to hear that I was wrong.

My apologies then. I misinterpreted your reasoning. There are a lot of people I know that would never be willing to hear they were wrong.

Aodhan

[parkerlineage]

I hate it when people are always right, and you can't convince them otherwise.

Thank you all for your opinions.

Parkerlineage

[JusticeZero]

From what you said, sounded like you did fine. Most schools i've been in, the instructor steps in to deliver the beating that you dished out, but it's no more gentle than what you did, and you -are- a shodan.

[ivette_green]

that's not true. This wasn't some newb who had no clue what the agreed upon rules were. He knew full well what he was doing, thus he wasn't beating a puppy.

You'd be surprised how thick people can be. We were doing non-contact sparring the other day and I had two partners who kept a)making contact and b) making kicks below the waist even though our Sensei reminded us not to do both of these things.

[Belasko]

What you describe is similar to scenarios that I've seen in my school as well. Usually the aggressor is a person from another school or style and may not be used to the rules we play by. This obviously wasn't your situation. Normally the way we handle it by warning them, explain the rules we use and then continue. If they person they are sparring is able to control it as you were the instructor doesn't do anything other than explain it to them again. If they still repeatedly continue the behavior often times our instructor will spar with the person or have one of the more skilled fighters do so and just start with light contact that can't be ignored. If it continues they will match the person in force. It usually doesn't take long before they decide it's not fun being on that end and either don't come back or get in line w/ the rules. In rare instances they have been asked to leave or sit out from sparring. I've never seen someone return after that though. Either way, problem solved. In the end you acted reasonably and in my mind appropriately.

[UseoForce]

Another thought: Does this guy see himself as sort of outside the "dojo family?" Many times these people think they have something to prove. They think of themselves as "tough guys," and need to let other people know.

[Sauzin]

You see I really don't agree with the idea that two people in a ring of nearly equal rank should know when to call off fighting after a certain number of combinations. First of all this encourages throwing a couple of combos then backing off and hitting the pause button when you would normally have to face the opponent’s counter.

Secondly it creates this blurry line effect that you are experiencing now. If you were to talk to the guy you were sparring I doubt he would think that you were done. Backing off or no, he wasn't done and he probably thought it unfair that you were backing off right when he wanted to counter. Now this may not be the reality of the situation. It is very likely he couldn’t have countered had you continued. But he didn't know that and really how could he? People back off when sparring to doge hits. People take defensive postures all the time. How can a combatant know the difference between you taking the defensive and temporarily hitting the pause button? Do you use hand signals? Do you verbally tell him? If not I would argue that the way the sparring match was set up was begging for this to happen.

This is why I believe very strongly that every sparring match should have a ref. And when one guy is done or the match needs to be broken up then the ref should be responsible. There are clear hand signals and verbal ques that can be used for this. And if the sensei wasn't playing the part then I don't know how either of you could be expected to know when the other is done. In my opinion this is the ref's job or in other words, your sensei's.

[Belasko]

You see I really don't agree with the idea that two people in a ring of nearly equal rank should know when to call off fighting after a certain number of combinations. First of all this encourages throwing a couple of combos then backing off and hitting the pause button when you would normally have to face the opponent’s counter.

Secondly it creates this blurry line effect that you are experiencing now. If you were to talk to the guy you were sparring I doubt he would think that you were done. Backing off or no, he wasn't done and he probably thought it unfair that you were backing off right when he wanted to counter. Now this may not be the reality of the situation. It is very likely he couldn’t have countered had you continued. But he didn't know that and really how could he? People back off when sparring to doge hits. People take defensive postures all the time. How can a combatant know the difference between you taking the defensive and temporarily hitting the pause button? Do you use hand signals? Do you verbally tell him? If not I would argue that the way the sparring match was set up was begging for this to happen.

This is why I believe very strongly that every sparring match should have a ref. And when one guy is done or the match needs to be broken up then the ref should be responsible. There are clear hand signals and verbal ques that can be used for this. And if the sensei wasn't playing the part then I don't know how either of you could be expected to know when the other is done. In my opinion this is the ref's job or in other words, your sensei's.

Have to disagree here. Two people from the same school can tell when someone is backing off some. If they can't they are usually pretty dense. Usually all it should take is explaining the rules of engagement for the dojo. When someone stops a kick or a punch an inch or two in front of your face it's pretty clear that the point was good and that they would not have been able to continue with their technique. If they choose to ignore this as was described it is nothing short of ignoring the rules that were most likely put in place for the safety of the students.