marriage counseling

[Goju_boi]

I need advice,theres this couple that I have known for a very long time.They seemed normal at first but then I saw little things ,but now I can tell they really need marriage counseling.I need help on convincing them in specificallly the man to start going to it,but he does have a job in which sunday is his only free day.He has been talking about divorce ,but I don't want to see them go through that because I care for this couple.Also I know this will hurt their children very much so I want to prevent it.

[White Warlock]

Be wary of intervening in domestic affairs.

If you insist on mulling about in their personal affairs, be aware that if they have no interest in resolving their problems, all you will be doing is prolonging the inevitable. Surviving the aftermath of a relationship doomed to end is not nearly as horrid as clinging onto a failed one. The latter could birth some very unhealthy, and illegal, problems.

Still and again, if you wish to go that route, go visit a local mental health facility or hospital, preferably one that is covered by their insurance, and request pamphlets or referrals. Bring this information to them and allow them to decide if 'mediation' or 'counseling' is what they truly need... and want.

Whatever you do, don't try to fix it yourself. It may just be that there's nothing to fix, and the relationship, as a marriage, is not viable... but the relationship, as friends, is. It may just be, in fact it very well may be, that if these two are intelligent and communicative, they already know what the problems are... and have decided that they are insurmountable, or simply not worth overcoming. It could very well be that they are opting to 'save' their friendship, by killing their marriage.

All is speculative, of course... but you gave little in the way of insight into what the problems were, only that there are some.

Oh, and when someone says something like, "i don't have time," they're basically saying, "i don't want to." So if the man can only provide a Sunday to seek assistance, and yet never even attempts to obtain counseling during this period of time, he simply doesn't want to. If he's a religious sort, there are plenty of churches open for him to find and contact a priest trained in couples counseling.

[Menjo]

Yea I agree becareful

[Goju_boi]

ok,I guess I can say this here.The reason I'm trying to help is because they are people I know in my family.(don't know if that helps my cause)

[White Warlock]

ok,I guess I can say this here.The reason I'm trying to help is because they are people I know in my family.(don't know if that helps my cause)

Yep, doesn't help your cause. You're too close to the conflict and thus would be likely be perceived as 'biased' by one or both (even i don't doubt that you are). Probably best to hand them referrals to 'professional' services and step away.

[Goju_boi]

yeah both do percive my opinions and comments as biased especially the male,but I'm just telling them what I see.I'm not trying to take sides it's just that there are things happening that shouldn't be happening from both ends.I guess something that makes it worse is that men from Latin America sometimes tend to be "macho men"/Manly men so I think that might make him be worse,I don't think either one should go through each others torment. I guess once I get a car I can go and get them refferals,or go to my church and ask for help

[UsagiYojimbo]

Having seen several people go through this, my advice is: clam up. Nobody is rational when they're going through this sort of thing, and getting involved will bring nothing but resentment by both parties onto you. Of course it's your choice, I'm just speaking from my own experience.

[Goju_boi]

Having seen several people go through this, my advice is: clam up. Nobody is rational when they're going through this sort of thing, and getting involved will bring nothing but resentment by both parties onto you. Of course it's your choice, I'm just speaking from my own experience.

so should I just go ahead and do what white warlock said?

[UsagiYojimbo]

As I said, it's your decision. If it were me, I wouldn't do or say anything at all about it. But then, I'm pretty non-confrontational.

[Goju_boi]

As I said, it's your decision. If it were me, I wouldn't do or say anything at all about it. But then, I'm pretty non-confrontational.

I know but it's my family and I don't want them to break apart