Soft Student

[Goju 4 Life]

This has been nagging at me for a while. So I'm going to get this off my chest.

I'm a 15 year old shodan. And the kid we'll call Geroge, is a 15 year old blue belt. A year ago I had recently moved to the city and a new school (I'd gotten my belt in a similar system). And found out that one of the kids who went to my school, had become a blue belt five years before I'd moved there and then quit. I convinced him he should come back. The head instructor was elated and George was in class for a couple months. One night, I was teaching class. He was in it. While I was teaching the class a form I noticed that he was wearing a necklace. Which is against school policy. I told him to take it off and then walked away. I came back he had it one. I told him again and this time he took it off. Later that night I was correcting the positioning of his hands. He was rolling his eyes and muttering under his breath. I told him to give me 25 pushups. After that night he never came back.

Who's fault is that? Do you think th ehead instructor was angry at me for loosing a student, even though I brought him in and the instructor never told me aything about it? Is this kid just a weanie?

[AngelaG]

If you were taking the class you were in charge. It's as simple as that.

[Sam]

Yeah if he was complaining and muttering i probably wouldnt have gone for the pushups, just asked him what he was saying and whether he had any issues with the advice i was giving....

but i know plenty of instructors who would give the press ups... and actually thinking about it i probably would as well. To be honest a student like that can create more problems than their worth.

[sweetpea0525]

When i first started assisting in class, i too was nervous about saying something or being too hard on a student, because people react differently to someone in charge when they are not the normal person in charge or when they are a friend, but my instructor was very helpful. He told me that he always has my back, that is why he allows me to assist in class, also that if a student doesn't come back because of something I would make them do, or say to them, they are not worth having in the school.

[Sam]

thats a really good point - your instructor wouldnt put you in charge at all if he didnt trust your judgement, and therefore will probably back you up.... dont worry bout ittoo much tho sounds like that guy wasnt really putting his heart into it anyway

[scottnshelly]

A lot of people have a hard time taking instruction from what they consider a peer. If you two were the same age, he probably saw you as a peer. Was this the first time that you had been in charge of teaching him or correcting him?

I think that he saw you as a friend. Several factors lead me to believe this: similarity in age, the fact that you talked him into coming back and the way that he thought he could slide through the rules with you on his side (wearing a necklace).

When you told him to remove the necklace, he was probably a little bothered. Then when you started teaching him something, in his mind, he probably thought that he should be where you are - teaching. The pushups probably sent him over the edge and made him not want to come back.

It's hard to say who's at fault. I think you both share the fault equally. He should've recognized your authority and respected your instruction. You should have recognized that he considered you to be a peer, not a leader, and spoken with him or your Instructor.

Sometimes these situations just don't work out, sometimes they do. It all depends on how you treat each other.

[Sam]

fair points scottnshelly - it could just be when he got back to it he realised he didnt enjoy it as much as he did before and so was looking for a reason to leave- just to have a possibility, although i think what yousaid seems more likely.

[Jiffy]

I've come accross this scenario a few times. In the 9 years I have been teaching, I have had two of my bosses at work, a collegue, two close friends, a peer, and two girlfriends train under me. In addition, our head instructor is my father.

It's hard to get them to seperate the personal life and the dojo, and for that reason, I make it clear as soon as they intend training with us, that in the dojo, they will get treated like everyone else, then when we walk out, it's different, and that's exactly the way my father and I am.

In this scenario, yes you should have made more of an effort to make that clear, but I think the main blame was on the student. He made a deliberate effort to be a pain in the butt and that is not acceptable. Remember, in there, regardless of if you are the head instructor or just helping out, you are the boss. They follow the rules or cop the consequences.

[drunken.master]

I agree with your analysis of the situation scottnshelly. Especially at your age, the battle of peers is a lot different than at twice your age. Taking instruction from peers or family is always a challenge. (That is why I train the masters' wife rather than him. It is easier for her to take direction from me I believe, as I am not a part of her life like he is).

[elbows_and_knees]

yeah, the biggest factor here is age. That is one of the main reasons that I don't agree with having kids as teachers. Adults can have similar problems, but it's less likely, as adults tend to be less immature.