Can one "take a break" from martial arts study?

[taekwondomom]

I signed my children up for martial arts last October. They're been enjoying it, mostly, and I began in January.

However, they have been losing interest recently. At first, I just thought it was the usual thing that kids do: complain about having to practice and having to give up "free time" for lessons. I used to do that with piano when I was young! So I just did the old "of course we're going! You'll be fine once you're in class." And they usually were.

However, recently, I can see their loss of interest in the way they do class. They're just not trying very hard! They goof off whenever they can get away with it. They don't talk about TKD and work on forms at home like they used to. They tell me all the time that they want to "take a break" from TKD.

Perhaps this is more a parenting question than a martial arts question, but here's the martial arts question:

Can you "take a break" from TKD? Or, if you quit, will you inevitably quit for good? What are the benefits of taking a break? What are the hazards?

I'm not going to "take a break;" not yet at least. I plan to continue my study for a while.

[ninjanurse]

Well, I find that I have a lot to say about this subject as I have gone through this with my kids. I don't think that there is one answer, and that no answer is right or wrong. Each kid is different. Take mine for example:

Oldest Son: A natural. Never had to put much effort into it..he could just do whatever they asked of him. As a consequence of this success he loved it-lived it-breathed it. After BB, he lost interest and hasn't returned.

Youngest Son: NOT a natural. Worked hard for everything ( and in the shadow of his older brother no less), was cut 3 times from his BB test. Wanted to give up. I wouldn't let him because I saw how much he really wanted it. He succeeded, made it to 2nd dan, and is thankful I didn't let him take a break or quit.

Oldest Daughter: A shy, quiet child.Started at 5 (at her request), quit in a few months because she was afraid to make a mistake. I let her and never pushed. Asked to go back at 7 and worked her butt off to overcome anxiety & shyness. She cried in class all the way up to her BB test, got cut twice, and emerged a self-confident young women who uses her experience to encourage others who are struggling.

Youngest Daughter: Wanted to do everything her sister did-including martial arts. Physically talented but only there for the fun and attention. No attention, no interest. I spent a lot of energy trying to get her to "buy into the program" and be serious but finally decided that it was her decision and her responsibility to train and let her choose to quit (at 1 belt below BB ). And yes, I am disappointed but no regrets on my part. I hope that someday she decides to return.

4 kids, 4 different senarios. I know how much a person can gain from studying the martial arts and it is frustrating to see students lose interest when I know what the prize is, but you can't make them see it, they have to see it for themselves; and when it deteriorates into a battle at home and in the dojang it is counter-productive. My hope for them is that they regain their interest and return to reap the benefits. I always leave the door open.

For me, I continue to train as my family moves on to other things...and we are all OK with that. I think you should talk to your kids about why they train and what motivates them. Maybe there is a compromise to be made if you feel strongly that they should stay such as dropping a class a week, or taking the summer off, etc. Let us know what you decide and sorry for my ramblings.

[jarrettmeyer]

I am convinced (now, that is, not so until I made it to college) that everybody needs something physical in their lives. Whether it's soccer or basketball or track or martial arts, kids need a physical hobby. My wife rides horses. She loves every minute of it. I like horses, but if I were never to see one again, I don't know that I'd care too much.

They can have as many mental hobbies as they'd like - music lessons, model building, whatever. I would tell your kids that it is okay if martial arts is not your thing. All you can do is support whatever it is that they do find. (That can be quite tricky when some hobbies cost a lot more than others.)

[hammer]

I started in TKD about 5 1/2 years ago with my son (then 7 YO). I was only going to sign him up for classes, but after the instructor we talked to said it was only $10/month extra for me, I decided to sign up as well (I figured I'd only be sitting around watching anyway).

After going for about 12 months, it was obvious that I was going to stick with it and that my son was not that interested. I kept bringing him to class, however, in the hopes that he would change his mind. When the chance to sign up for youth soccer came up, my son decided to "take a break" from TKD to play soccer. I was not surprised at all when he said that he didn't want to go back to TKD after the end of soccer season, and he hasn't gone back since.

He still plays soccer in the spring and fall, and both he and I got hooked on skiing a few years back so he still has some physical activities to keep him busy. He's also been enjoying longer bike rides this summer and I may ask him about joining the school mountain bike club in the fall.

My daughter started up in TKD about 1 1/2 years ago (also at 7 YO) and she really enjoys going. She also wants to play soccer this fall, and while she would not mind also going to TKD classes, the game times conflict with class times that she can make, so she will be taking a break from TKD. I believe that she will pick right back up with TKD after soccer season is over.

She's also been taking dance classes for 5 years and will likely continue to do so for several years to come.

I agree with jarrettmeyer mentioned; I would not be concerned if your kids don't want to stick with MA as long as they have some other type of physical activities to keep them moving.

[Sam]

Yeah MAs not everyones cup of tea - or whatever teh american expression for that is

So long as they're keeping active i dont think it would really matter. Most sport / physical activities encourage similar traits in children, just MA is probably a bit more geared towards the restraint / respect side which isnt always ideal for kids that just want fun a lot of the time [speaking from recent experience as i joined as a child - and am 19 - so remember it well]

[ranger1100ky]

That's a nice question.

I'll tell you my story.

I 'did' take a break from formal TKD training.

Is 16 years a BREAK?

Just got back in formal training... and regardless of the fact that I'm not as in shape as I would like to be, and certainly not as flexible, or even as 'capable' as I was ONCE...

I'm glad I'm back in it.

The 'worst' thing you can do, is say, "You've got to take the class."

Forcing the kid to take the class, is not a way to 'encourage them to have FUN'...

My advice... tell them, "You don't 'have' to participate... just pack your stuff in case you WANT to practice, and lets go in to the school. You can watch me and help me by telling me what I'm doing wrong after class is over."

I went 'hot and heavy' for 4 years as a teen... and honestly, yes... other things DID come up that I wanted to do, besides TKD... that's natural... VERY natural...

Let's face it... some things, you just don't get another chance to do in life, if you let the opportunities slip away.

An example... going out with friends and classmates from school, and say, hitting the mall, OR, going to a ballfield and playing pickup baseball (or variant thereof).

So while you can 'encourage them' to continue to train here and there... it's OKAY to let em 'be a kid' and to allow them to experience other wholesome things. (What's wholesome? Good question... because YOU are the authority that defines that word, in the context in which I use it)

Personally... I can tell ya... I would've probably taken a sour attitude toward TKD, if I had been 'forced' to carry on training beyond what I really 'wanted' to, at the time.

Now though, I do kind of wish I'd have at 'least' stayed in better practice and better shape with what I DID know already... rather than 'go cold' for a few years, and THEN... 'try to get myself back up to speed'...

It wouldn't hurt to have a heart to heart talk WITH them about TKD... kind of try to guage WHAT their true intentions/wishes are...

If they want to pass on classes for a bit... and would rather just 'occasionally run through their forms' informally to 'keep in good TKD shape'... that'd be great right there.

TKD 'should' be a WELCOME companion for life... not a 'chore' we force on ourselves or on kids.

Good luck.

[UpTheIrons]

I'm actually taking a break right now, in the sense that I am no longer teaching and actively involved in our organization. However, it is not out of lack of interest. I am currently working toward getting certified in radiography, and I simply cannot focus my attention on teaching AND going to school. After I finish school, I might resume teaching again, depending on my schedule.

However, I still remain in contact with my black belt students, who are training/practicing with another of our Instructors, and I still practice on my own. So in that aspect I am still involved. I am learning that life is not just about Tae Kwon Do. I am probably never going to be totally out of Tae Kwon Do. My life would suffer too much.

[PrideampPoise]

Good questions.

Part of how you proceed depends on why you think your kids want to quit, and whether you think they really do enjoy it. I'd think that if it was tough to get them to go, but then they did fine once they were there, it would make sense to continue taking them.

But if they aren't getting into it even when they are there, then maybe a break is in order.

However, if it were me, I'd make it clear that while its fine to quit TKD because its not for you, they won't be quitting so they can play video games or just go hang out with friends. They'd be trying some other activity, and continue doing so, until they find something that IS right for them. And certainly that could eventually be a return to TKD.

By going that route, perhaps you'll find out if they just needed a kick in the rump, or if they really would prefer to be doing some other activity, whether its baseball, soccer, dance, whatever.

[Sabumnim]

From your name I guess your kids do Tae-Kwon Do, like me.

It is part of the systems belief that you should not hold any resentment to those who decide to stop training, and welcome them them back if they want to train again.

When I was younger I stopped training once I recieved my Black belt in Karate but after a few months I missed it.

I even lost intrest recently, many people were pushing me to train instead of me wanting to.

With kids and even teens you have to let them do what they feel is right, the worst thing for a kid is feeling they are doing something because somebody else wants them too.

[TangSooGuy]

It really does depend on the person. I know people who have left for ten years and have come back to have a whole new level of committment to their training. This isn't the norm though.

In my experience, about 80% of all people who "take a break" for more than a month never come back again.

You are the parent, here. If you feel that training is worthwhile, and is doing them good, make them go.

I'm consistently surprised how many parents say "I can't make them do it."

Why not? Can you make them get up and go to school? Brush their teeth? Do their homework?

Then you can make them train too, if you see value in it.

That said, as others have pointed out, training is NOT for everyone. If it starts to lose value to you and to them, or it becomes so disruptive to your life that you can't see yourself forcing it, find something else.

I had two kids whose mom made them come time after time, even though they didn't want to. Those kids are now both in my advanced class, and one of them is working harder than he ever has at anything.

It dpends on the value you see. You CAN make tem go if there is value in it. Or you can let them quit. But the decision as to what is bestfor them is yours.