I hurt someone but...

[Sparkey]

Alrighty...I need to vent a little and use you all for a sounding board. Here's what happened.

I was doing some light sparring in class with another woman. We're about the same rank and she's smaller, faster and lighter than me. I don't really know EXACTLY what happened because it happened so quickly. I think I must have got her with a low hook kick but I landed it JUST RIGHT into her femoral plexus. You know that spot on the outside of your thigh that if you hit it just right, even if it's not hard, it can really hurt and sometimes even collapse your leg? Well I must have hit it dead on. I didn't mean to, and I didn't mean to do it hard. She was coming at me as well, so it was force on force. This happened about 3 weeks ago. She stopped the match and walked it off and rubbed her leg and then after a minute or so, we started up again. I appologized and told her I didn't mean to get her so hard and she said, "that's OK, it's part of what happens when we do what we do". And I thought that was the end of that.

But now, she'll do things like rub her leg in the middle of class and look over at me, make a point of rubbing ointment on her bruise in the changing room while I'm in there, EVERYBODY in the dojo knows about her hurt leg and asks her about it and she says, "oh, it's still so sore" and looks over at me. She'll talk about going to acupuncture and how she learned that that spot's meridian is hooked into the kidneys, so now she's talking about how her back hurts as well. Even with her injury she still trains 2 hours a day and comes in for extra kickboxing classes and weapons class. I don't know if she even is meaning to be catty about it or trying to make me feel bad. I could even be totally over sensitive about it and reading WAY more into her actions than is necessary.

I feel bad I hurt her, I never like to hurt someone! I train in Karate with the idea of fighting and being able to inflict damage if need be, but I don't want to hurt my dojo mates. Our sparring is light to medium contact, so we always have the potential of getting hurt or hurting others, but we don't TRY to hurt each other. I was guilty of poor control, but I'm also not an expert. I'm learning! But HOW LONG do I have to apologize for this? I tried to talk to my Sensei and he said, "Hey, I'm not getting in the middle of this. It was accidental, I called it as an accident and if you two are having issues, you have to work it out between yourselves". Fine help that was.

I've apologized more than once, several times. She always says, "don't worry about it". I'd love to just let it go, but I'm still taking the guilt trip.

Any thoughts or experiences that could help me out?

[ninjanurse]

Obviously she hasn't moved on but that does not mean that you can't. Accidents happen in class and peole get hurt-it is the inherent risk you take when you participate in martial arts. She may be unintentionally causing you to feel guilty and the fact that you react to it may be keeping it going so it may be up to you to break the cycle. Your sensei knows it was an accident and I am sure your dojo mates do too so don't stress over it.

I once got sued once by a classmate who broke her arm when I took her down-she had been trained to fall but she put her arm out to catch her fall anyway. She really wanted me to feel guilty and pay for her pain and suffering. My instructor supported me and while I felt sorry that it happened I didn't let guilt get in the way of my training and my life. She lost in court-I won in spirit.

[monkeygirl]

I agree with Heidi. Try to move on. If her intention is to make you feel excessively guilty, then you can try to stump her efforts. It's not being insensitive...it doesn't seem like you have many options. Now, if you start to gain a bad reputation among the other students, you may want to confront her and ask her what's going on; ask her to be candid with you. Things happen in training. I once got kicked in the eye during a test, and it caused some permanent damage. It was a very scary experience for me, and I'll admit that for a while I still harbored some ill feelings for the person that kicked me. I know that I shouldn't have, but there were a lot of complicated emotions involved, as I seriously thought I was going to die, and it was an issue of complete lack of control on that guy's part. Over the years the feelings have faded, and I think that any ill feelings I have for him have more to do with his attitude in general than the fact that he kicked me. It can be difficult to let go of the memory when the injury still affects you...but if you continue to be a compassionate person (and don't brag that you caused someone an injury ), hopefully she will remember the way you handled it, and not be angry at you for doing it.

[Pacificshore]

Move on with your training. Don't let her guilt you into feeling bad. Sometimes it is just about needing some "attention" that they may be lacking elsewhere. Even with her own admission, its just something that comes with the nature of being involved with martial arts.

[usc96]

It's one thing for her to have a little pity party, but another for her to try to make you feel bad about it. Sounds like she has issues beyond the actual physical injury. Send her a fruit basket and be done with it. I don't know what more you can do to make things right.

[AngelaG]

Tell her that the spot on her leg is actually linked to her Gallbladder using meridian theory. Daft old mare!

[JimmyNewton]

tell her top stop guilt tripping or you'll do it again.

just kidding.

[Fish]

Well, you've said sorry and that should be enough. Just ignore it, hopefully she'll get over it.

[hajimekyu]

Try having a very direct conversation with her about how you feel. Ask if she has any negative feelings regarding the incident,but do not take on any additional negative feelings yourself.As everyone said,being hurt is an inherant risk we take.I continued training with a broken collarbone following a motorcycle accident.Everyone has been very careful,but if/when someone accidently causes me pain I do not hold it against them for even a moment.After all,I am choosing to be there.

BTW...three weeks seems like an awfully long time for her to still be having a problem in a physical or emotional sense.At this point, a direct conversation can hardly make things worse and it will at least clear the air.After that,regardless of her response,it's time to let it go.

[CloudDragon]

From a medical standpoint, it seems that your classmate isn't the sharpest hammer in the tool shed. Anyone knows that if you have an INJURY, not discomfort, that you must rest that area. If she is still whining about it, she is getting attention that she wants, either from you or from others in the class. Whatever it is, don't let her steal your joy. Keep training and remember, to paraphrase your classmate, "its a part of what we do"