What do we do?

[Kieran-Lilith]

Well, as my friends and I don't know what to do, I thought I'd pose the question here to see if I can get some new views on this.

We have a friend, who will be called C. Our friend C was a very good friend last year. This year, if you will recall from an earlier topic of mine, I got into an abusive relationship, which, thankfully, my friends helped me through. Friend K was not one of the friends I chose to include in that serious of a matter. So she had already been discluded from school, because our schedules were so different, but then I chose to keep her out of this. We all grew up, a lot a lot. I know a lot of grown ups would disagree and say we're still just a bunch of kids....but we're not. We don't think like children anymore. Our concerns are centered outside ourselves, and not on such worthless, trivial things such as make up and models. Besides the point. Point being, C didn't grow with us. She was suicidal a while ago (as in two weeks), so we dragged her off to the guidance office at school. The Guidance Counselor, despite our protests, told us to give her another chance. We agreed, out of guilt. None of us want to be her friend. We still don't. The problem being, she clings to us, and whines, and we don't want her to go suicidal on us again. We just don't like her personality, it doesn't fit with ours. She whines, complains, and laughs about nothing nonstop. We don't whine much. We laugh when there's a reason. C doesn't like what we're involved in, and won't join. We're all karate kids, as the school named us. She knows she doesn't fit with us anymore.

So, the question is, what do we do?

[elila]

She's suicidal and you all are her last hope. How do you think she feels, knowing that her friends all ditched her? You may think you're grown up, but if you don't know to support a friend in need, you're still just a child. Talk to her about what's on her mind and how you can help her out of it. You were helped out of an abusive relationship, how would you have felt if your friends left you by yourself?

[Kieran-Lilith]

You-You honestly think we haven't realized this?!?!?! HOW COULD WE NOT REALIZE IT!!!!! Sorry. Lost a bit of control. I know we're her last hope. We all know. But we don't fit with her, and all she does is cling and whine. She doesn't grow up. She doesn't make any effort to change things for herself. You know, we have grown up a lot. I don't claim to know everything about the world, because I don't. None of us do. We helped her out how we could. We lie to her to try and make her feel better. We act around her to make her feel good. How is that supposed to make us feel? We helped her, we brought her to the counselor, just as my friends helped me. But these are different. One involves a dead body, the other involves a broken mind. C has never had good self esteem, nothing, ever. We haven't been her friends all year, which is what brought this on, and we can't keep acting and lying for her sake, because it's hurting us! We won't suffer so someone else can live a lie!

[elila]

If you've already made your choice, don't come on here asking for help. It sounds like you're looking for someone to agree with you so that your choice is justified. A broken mind, a dead body, both are terrible conclusions.Will you honestly not care if she ends up dead? I'm not saying it'll be your fault if she does commit suicide, but wouldn't it be better if you helped her? Your situations aren't all that different- from an abusive relationship, you were hurting emotionally, which could have eventually ended up in suicide. She's depressed (which is, by the way, an actual illness) and could end up dead. There've been other girls at my MA school who've told me about a girl who is suicidal. Rather than remaining friends, they decide to turn on her, and don't seem to care. She's fine now, but I was really worried about her for a while there.

[aefibird]

I'd say go and have another chat with the guidance counsellor - without this person "C" being present.

Explain your situation and say that you want to help "C", but say that you also want her to help herself.

If she is suffering from depression then she neads real help from specialist people - such as the guidance counsellor or a doctor or psychiatrist.

Tell the counsellor at your school about her and try and get her to do more. If this girl is genuinely suicidal then she should be taking it seriously, not just encouraging you and your friends to hang about with her to try and make her feel better.

Why not get her to take up a new hobby? Encourage her to go along to karate or to try out a new sport or something. I know that you don't want to be friends with her any longer, but ditching her when she is in need isn't going to help her and won't make you feel good either. Even if you don't particularly relish her company then you could all still try to help her through her depression and encourage her to do more. If she has something to focus on then it may help her emotionally.

[The Phenom]

Why not get her to take up a new hobby? Encourage her to go along to karate or to try out a new sport or something.

I'd like to second this point as it is very important. It is commonly known that (regular) exercise benefits the mind a lot, so maybe if this "C" tried doing something active on a regular basis, if she doesn't already, then I'd be willing to bet it would really help her. I'd highly recommend any MA or sport.

That aside - what exactly bothers her? I'm not sure if I missed it but I haven't read if something specific is the cause for her condition. If not, then she's just bored and doesn't have any goal or purpose at the moment. Do you know what keeps me sane? My goals, my purpose, my MA, the way I want to live my life...many other people are the same. So I'd recommend that she takes on a new outlook and starts setting some goals for herself.

Oh and the sort of people who cling to you and make your life a nightmare are out there. Don't worry as it has happened to me. Try to persist and the issue will be over before too long.

I hope this helps you.

[ninjanurse]

I think professional help is in order here. Even good friends can't always handle problems in their own. Get help for her! If the school counselor is no help tell her parents...and don't feel guilty about it either! It's the right thing to do whether she likes it or not.

[Kieran-Lilith]

A point I should have clarified: C feels this way because we drifted from her during my ordeal. I chose not to include her because I didn't want the whole school to know within the week. Even before that though, we had not been very good friends on either count.

elila-I'm sorry for exploding at you. I did not mean to blow up, but there are several things I'd like to clear up. First off, the two situations are very different. C and I are very, very different people. She, in most cases, will do nothing to help herself, she waits for others to take control and rectify it for her. She has no initiative. She won't simply do things. She lets her emotions take control, rather than think about why she feels this way and do something to correct the situation. Even at my worst, to the point where I could not sleep at night, felt sick with grief and worry, fell asleep in class, didn't pay attention, even started losing it at the dojo, and nearly broke into tears every five minutes, I never felt the desire to end my life. I thought about what if I did, but everytime I thought that, I knew I could never do it because I love life. Anyway, yes, I would care if she ended up dead, which is why I feel so guilty about not wanting to be her friend or be around her.

aefibird-I wish she would take up some new hobby, but her parents wouldn't let her. She already does a ton of stuff, and probably stretches herself too thing as it is. Besides, she says she'd suck at karate, and to top it off, she has no initiative to start anything, do anything, to become better. She's quite content to sit around and do nothing while she whines about how she has nothing to do. The counselor did talk to C's parents, and we did talk to the G.C. once alone. Essentially, she told us to give C another chance and wouldn't let me get a word in to explain how we felt about that.

The Phenom- As I have said, she won't do anything. She has no focus in life other than to become a vet. But other than that, nothing really. She's involved in 4-H, baton twirling, and her church, and it consumes huge amounts of time. But she insists she has no friends to share life with, yet she's been sick all this week and we have lots of people wondering "Where is she?" They care. They are her friends. Yet she clings to us.

ninjanurse-I think her parents know. Our great fear is that she will go suicidal on us moreso if we try to be other than what she expects us to be.

She expects us to be her best friends, like we were last year. The problem being, none of us really remember who we were last year, and that part that we do remember, we don't act like anymore.

Thank you for the advice so far, and I apologize again, elila.

[ninjanurse]

ninjanurse-I think her parents know. Our great fear is that she will go suicidal on us moreso if we try to be other than what she expects us to be.

What if you're wrong? She is asking for help simply by the fact that she has talked about it and...and have you ever considered that she may be playing you to get you guys to be her friends? That's some pretty serious emotional black-mail! I don't know how old you guys are but I have teenage girls and we have been through this kind of manipulations with school mates. Call her bluff and get her help! The only important thing that you could lose is a person's life!

[elila]

I didn't mean to make it sound like your supposed to solve her problems, so sorry if I did. What I meant was for you to just stand by her while a proffessional helps her solve her problems. I know depressed people are hard to deal with and I wish you all the best.