Fancied by your students

[Spirit At Choice]

I think instructors have an obligation not to take advantage (in any way, shape or form-- including different treatment of any kind like extra-hard grappling) of student crushes. This applies in any unequal relationship, not just MA classes. Teachers, therapists, (some) bosses, etc., all have a peculiar draw because they are in a position of knowing more, and of being nurturers to those under them.

Absolutely you should NOT engage the boy in any conversation about his crush. If he were to bring it up you give the "I'm flattered, but..." speech. I've been on the giving and receiving end of this speech, and it is really effective. It goes something like this:

"I'm flattered, but... I am engaged and very much in love, furthermore I do not date my students, as policy. You are a wonderful young man with great potential. Any gal would be lucky to have you in her life. I like you way too much to do anything that might risk our relationship here in the dojo. I really believe in you, and I know you have what it takes to go as far as you want in MA. I'm really glad you trust me enough to be this honest with me; it really warms me. You have a tremendous strenght of character that makes you a real asset to this dojo. I hope to see you here for a long time to come."

Basically, you tell him you aren't interested because of reasons that have nothing to do with who he is as a person, then you tell him what a great guy he is. But only if he comes to you. You don't go to him. He must travel his own path, and maybe what he needs is to work this through on his own.

FURTHERMORE: you better nip the gossiping in the bud!!! You need to let those other students know that it is not acceptable. There is no honor in it at all. None. There is only torment and pain, as you have discovered. Next time someone gossips to you you need to say, "That is not your information to share," or something similar.

[bokendowanderer]

Take it as a compliment. Unless you intend to act on it, and it doesn't sound like you do, he's got a problem. He wants something he can't have. He'll either let it go and move on or he'll make a move and get his ego deflated a little bit. He'll more than likely move on rather than make a fool of himself.

Just act like you don't know when your around him and eventually it won't bother you.

GOOD LUCK!