This scared me into knowing how lethal my practice is...

[Mr. Mike]

About a year ago my sister came to me and told me that she was sick of being used as a punching bag...her husband is the abusive type. The guy is a convicted rapist, and she married him...well says something about aspirations I guess. This jerk duct taped his ex-GF to a refrigerator and beat her and raped her repeatedly for two days straight. But, it's all a misunderstanding to hear him tell it...it always is, isn't it?

So I ended up moving in with my sister because he went back to jail for beating her. We found a decent sized house for her two kids, my two kids, and us to live comfortably. They started working things out so I allowed him to move back in, with the understanding that he would go to anger management, marriage counseling, and that I would let his parole officer know his activities every step of the way.

Anyway, things got progressively worse, as they have a habit of doing when you throw a redneck hick into the mix. One morning, about two months ago, my 8yr old daughter was getting ready for school as she usually does every morning around 7am. Well, he gets all bent and starts shouting obcsenities at her and gets her balled up in the corner crying while he yells the F word repeatedly at her, calling her a lazy slob and all kinds of other crap...I flew up two flights of stairs in about one second. I told him to back the hell up and he started laying into me, which is suprising, because he knows that he shouldln't mess around with me(not to toot my own horn or sound tough, but he knows that I instruct IKCA Kenpo Karate in the evenings). Anyway, contrary to how I know I should act, contrary to what I know I should have done, I just wanted to take him apart. I advanced and slapped him in the head hard enough to make my hand hurt. He looked at me and said, "I'm calling the police!" I told him, "Go ahead, I'll tell them how you were cornering my 8 yr old daughter and bullying the crap out of her, then I'll call your PO and let her in on a few choice things!" Anyway, things kinda calmed down.

What had me scared is that I know that I should not have acted like that, and I know that I was a bit out of control, but I was out of control, with clarity, if that makes sense...It all flashed before my eyes exactly what I would do to him given every possible scenario. The gist was advance, strike body mass, take knee, go to throat, throw over the stair rail...that more than anything calmed me down.

I went to my instructor and told him about it and told him that it kinda scared me into calming down. He said that I was coming along fine, and that fear is what will help keep me in check.

I feel horrible because I teach non-violent intervention and here I was trying to be violent. Maybe it was because my baby was involved, but I still hsouldn't have done that...either way, I have never experienced that mindset before...like I said, I wanted to take him apart, and every possible way to do that was flying around in my head...no matter what attack he would have used, I would have owned him. We've sparred a couple of times, and he is the typical streetfight/slow-roundpunch kinda person...still...

comments? thoughts?

has anybody had a similar experience, and is this the way it usually goes, flashing through your mind like that?

[jarrettmeyer]

I don't know how I would have reacted in that situation, but I know how I do react in my own situations.

I can put up with a lot. I'm not shy, but I will avoid confrontation at all costs. There's a lot of fear there. In reality, I'm probably a coward. That's a lot of the reason that I take MA.

But when it comes to my wife, sister, family, friends, etc., no body had better lay a hand on them. I will hunt you down. All that fear mentioned above... *poof*... gone. For some reason, I will not stick up for myself, but those who are important to me are very important to me.

When all is said and done, I don't know that I would have reacted any differently. You just don't mess with a guy's daughter.

[vertigo]

I feel horrible because I teach non-violent intervention and here I was trying to be violent. Maybe it was because my baby was involved, but I still hsouldn't have done that...either way, I have never experienced that mindset before...like I said, I wanted to take him apart, and every possible way to do that was flying around in my head...no matter what attack he would have used, I would have owned him.

I think (even though you teach non-violent intervention) that you're being a little hard on yourself. I am not a parent [only 18], but I can easily see why you would react so quickly and harshly to seeing your 8 year old daughter under verbal assault from this man.

Even though you don't think you should have "lost it", it's very understandable that you did. Perhaps you think that you should have been more in control than you were, and I can agree with that. IMHO, I would learn from the experience and possibly be prepared should this situation happen again (God willing, it doesn't)

Just my thoughts

[June1]

My gosh... Yeah, I have a few things to say.

First of all, I have to commend you on your strength to not rip this guy to shreds. I know for a fact that my parents would not hold back if something happened to me. It would be a fight to the death. "Who cares about prison?" mentality. I don't know what I would do. I think that I would want to fight, just because I usually carry some rage around with me for other reasons, and if I had a daughter who was being threatened by some jerk, I'd do what Sensei has told us several times: First, try to use words to get your point across. If he keeps advancing on you or her, and there's no other option, then use force. Given the opportunity to defend myself, I think I'd go crazy and just simply turn into an animal, so congratulations on keeping your cool.

Although this guy is supposedly getting help for his actions, I don't think it's enough. It's a risk to have him living with you. Just my opinion. I would want him as far away from my family and me as possible. He obviously has a sickness (raping someone for 2 days... ugh.) that won't be cured with a slap on the wrist. God forbid he goes off his rocker again and dares to try something to any one of you. I'd get him the heck out of the house, and fast.

I think that what could have happened is the least of your worries. You did a good job of surpressing your anger in my opinion, though you smacked him. Everyone makes mistakes. It could have gone beyond that easily, but it didn't.

I wish you and your family good luck. Stay safe, Mr. Mike.

[DKizzle]

Old saying: "The pen is mightier than the sword"

Corollary: "...but you should always keep a sword handy, just in case."

I believe in non-violent intervention. I try to practice it. But, I do not stick to it on principle. I am totally prepared to shed diplomacy and take it outside. Sometimes that's the only real solution.

I'm the kind of guy who tends to be protective of people I care about. Girlfriend, close female friends, whoever. Guys, typically not as much, because I don't tend to get as close to guys as girls. And if someone chooses to mess with someone I care about, bad stuff will happen.

Some people say I'm just a violent person. I'm not really. I'm quiet and reserved except around friends, but I'll burst out and protect myself and others if necessary.

Now, if you are not in total control of your anger, that can easily be a problem. You could end up doing something real bad, like killing someone. Control your anger, don't let it control you, and there's nothing wrong with using force if necessary. Especially if it's someone close to you in danger.

The guy deserved what he got and I wouldn't feel bad about it if I were you. Maybe not what you wanted to hear, but it's my opinion.

[jarrettmeyer]

"Officer, I was in fear for my daughter's life."

[Shorinryu Sensei]

Personally, I think you did just fine. You didn't hurt him like you could have done, you protected your daughter as you needed to do as her father, and I feel you were totally justified.

You asked if we had any similar experiences. Years ago when I was a brown belt, I went to another city to visit my sister and her family. Her son Rob was about 10-11 at the time and was a decent kid. His step-dad, my sister's husband, was a likeable guy as far as I knew and we always got along well. Shortly after I arrived at their house, my brother-in-law left to grab something for dinner and a six pack of brew. When he had gone, my sister said "I want to show you this" and lifted my nephew's shirt up over his head. My nephew had severe black and blue bruises all over his sides from where my bro-in-law had taken a belt to him more than once. My nephew started crying at that point.

Well, I just sat there thinking about what a you-know-what my bro-in-law was, then he came in the door. I didn't think, I just moved and grabbed him by his collar and slammed him against the wall. I'm 6'6" tall and at the time weighed around 220lbs. He was 5'9" and around 160 or so. I told him in no uncertain terms that if he EVER laid a hand on my nephew like that again, I'd put him in the hospital so quick he wouldn't know what happened.

It never happened again, and they divorced about 6 months later. I do not regret doing what I did and wouldn't hesitate to do it again if I had to.

[Oopgrub]

I would not be comfortable letting my family anywhere near a man like that. For your family's sake, keep and eye on him, and if he lays a hand on any of your family you should take him apart.

Maybe not the best advice, but that's how I'd deal with it. He seems like scum.

[Treebranch]

You did better than I would in that situation. I would have been waiting for him as soon he came out of jail beat the holy you know what out of him. No one messes with my family, that where I draw the line.

[GhostlySykanRyu]

You handled it very well...

I would have thrown him over the stair case.

Twice.