Tensed up by seeing a fight

[ravenzoom]

I was at a little pub this afternoon (which is located in the mall where we can see what's happening outside) with my girlfriend enjoing a beer before going to see the movie Hostage with Bruce Willis (very good by the way) and I see this 16 year old kid starting roughing up and punching a smaller guy for whatever reason. I really got tensed up and wanted to go defend and stop the scuffling, but it soon ended, and my girlfreind told me to calm down. What do you guys think of how I felt? I mean I didn't like seeing this smaller guy getting roughed up by this punk who wanted to act tough in front of his friends. I remember when I was that age and I always hated being intimidated by punks who thought they were tough. I really got tensed-up and I felt my temper rise. What I'm getting at is that I'd like to know how you guys react in similar situations or how, according to you, I should react if the same situation occured in the future. Thanks for your advice

[markusan]

It sounds like the fight fizzled out before anyone got too badly hurt. If you had interfered it may have escalated and someone could have pulled a weapon etc. I wouldn't recommend getting into a fight, particularly if it is low level and your reaction to it is emotional. It should be a logical decision, and one not taken lightly. You may not be doing the little guy a favor by staying out of it. Then again if he was really getting creamed a peaceful intervention may have been appropriate. Talking to the assailants, saying something like.." Excuse me but I've noticed a number of people have witnessed your assault on this person and I believe the police have been called. It might be a good idea to leave before they get here."

[ravenzoom]

Nice reply, I agree, but: Now that I'm my normal self I don't know if I could of simply made such a pacific intervention. Not that I would have punched the kid that's for sure - heck I'm a teacher - But I surely would have got hold of his collar and took him off the guy. Now, I don't know how I would've reacted if he or his friends had tried to jump me afterwards. I know these are all suppositions, but I believe they could have happened if the fight had went a little longer. I also know it sounds foolish, but you're right when you say it would have been an emotional reaction, but how do you control those?

[Synaesthesia]

Learn from your near misses. They're the easiest lessons in emotional control you can get. Remember then and use the cogntive state as a mental model around which to train your self-control.

[jarrettmeyer]

... it would have been an emotional reaction, but how do you control those?

 

You don't. You cannot control your emotions. Emotions are an involuntary chemical response to a stimulus. If you see a fight, your mind will activate various centers of brain and you will sense a feeling of anxiety, including the release of adrenaline.

 

You control your cognitive reaction to those emotions. That just takes time and practice.

[swdw]

This topic came up on budoseek. Here's the response I offered:

 

You don't have to jump in and pound on someone to protect others.

 

2 examples I've personally witnessed in real life.

 

While visiting a Kenpo/Tai Chi school we heard a woman scream outside. Everyone spun around and saw a guy pull a woman out of the passenger side of a car and start hitting her. The driver's side door was open so it was obvious they were together.

 

The instructor told a student to pick up the phone and headed out the door and everyone expected him to subdue the man. Instead he stopped about 5 feet away and said "excuse me" very loudly. The man stopped with his arm cocked and a surprised look on his face. The instructor then said, "Is there a problem here? We can call the police if you want us to so they can straighten this out." At that point the man let go of the woman and said- "no problem, you don't need to call the cops." Instructor replies very congenially, "oh its no problem, we don't mind calling them to help." He turned to the woman and asked her if she'd like to come inside the school and use the bathroom to fix herself up. At this, she moved away from the guy who then jumped in the car and left. The instructor brought her into the school and had her call a friend to come get her. Pretty classy and intelligent approach. Defended the woman without throwing a single punch.

 

Next incident. An altercation is happening next to a gas station. There's a guy that's built like a brick ****house, wielding a golf club, threatening another man who had a paralyzed arm. Before anyone can say anything, one of the customers on a motorcycle gets a really pissed look on his face. He walks away from the pump he'd stopped at and very quietly put himself in front of the handicapped man. He didn't drop into any fighting stance, but anyone trained could see him relax and "settle in". (BTW, he also kept his full face motorcycle helmet on- good idea). The attacker got nervous and started yelling at him and telling him how he was going to cream him. The biker said nothing and just stared back. The attacker asked if the biker was a cop- again no answer. So the attacker takes a couple of steps back and starts threatening the biker again. This continues for the next minute or so with the attacker yelling threats and backing up until he's almost 50 feet away- the biker never moved, said a word, or even twitched a muscle the whole time. Finally the attacker yells F U and takes off.

 

People were standing around talking afterwards. We found out the biker was a Goju practitioner. The handicapped guy had no idea who the attacker was. He said he was walking down the street when this guy jumps out in front of him and accuses him of stealing the necklace he was wearing. A girl that worked there said the attacker was a known cokehead who had just got out of jail for beating up someone. Turned out he'd already hit the handicapped guy once before the biker showed up.

 

Again- the vitim was protected without a single physical technique being used.

 

Just remember, you can often do more to protect someone else with your brain than with your fist.

Edited March 21, 2005 by swdw

[swdw]

Ravenzoom, using my previous post as an example, an option would have been to walk up to them(say about 8-10 ft) and LOUDLY go 'Pardon me!'. Then look at the ATTCKER and say something like- "I can see there's a probelm here or you wouldn't be so angry. If you want to wait I'll have my girlfriend call the police so they can help you get this ironed out."

 

How long do you think things would have continued at that point?

 

Please don't take this as a criticism, but as giving you an idea of the options that are available. There is a reason you talk to the agressor in these situations. 99% of the time they know they'll be in trouble if the police show up, so it rapidly de-escelates the entire situation.

 

Even if the agressor tells you to "buzz off, he's going to teach this guy a lesson", you signal your girlfriend to call the cops and then you can add, "That may not be a good idea. Because if you do that, when the cops show up they'll have to arrest you for assault regardless of what this other guy did."

 

There are actually several books on verbal de-escalation that you can read.

 

For a good list of resources, go to http://www.nononsenseselfdefense.com/bibliography.html

[Muaythaiboxer]

man o man do i hate it when i cant help people. one time when i was running cross contry i saw a guy getting the crap beat out of him by to guys i really wanted to help but i dident know what to do (this was before my training)

[3hitKO]

nice stories, swdw

 

I think its natural to get angry when you see injustice like that, but what separates people with discipline and without discipline is how they react to those situations

 

i.e. running in and beating the crap out of the attacker, or verbally subduing the attacker without being violent

 

but thats just my 2 cents

[ravenzoom]

I really don't take anything you say as criticism, on the contrary I want advice from other people who have experience on the subject. I'm a very calm person naturally, but when I get tensed up like that I have problems controlling myself and I hate it when this happens, and I would like to have better self control under such circumstances, so any advuce you give me is a great benefit. Thanks