Poetry Thread

[cathal]

This is one of my more recent poems. Writing is an interest of mine, and I'm rather new to the poetry scene.

 

life watched in greys

 

and offblacks

 

darkblacks and light

 

fuzzyfog wrapped days

 

binoculars thrown wayside

 

the enemy of horizons

 

made fruitful by fans of

 

clarity and crystal rulers

 

lights known as yellow

 

are white to him

 

others see their reality

 

he sees his, to the ends

 

it is a fog of want,

 

of need, a necessity

 

borne from his void a

 

limited perfect palatte

 

he walks, dreams, cries

 

and screams in black and

 

white worlds questing for

 

a tempest at dusk

 

an illusion of stars to

 

favour the serenity of

 

a technicolour scape

 

too tall for the fog

[greenbelt_girl15]

I like your style cathal Neat poem.

[aefibird]

My own poetry is far too terrible (bad!) to inflict on others, so I'll share one of my own favourites:

When I am an old woman I shall wear purple

 

With a red hat that doesn't go, and doesn't suit me,

 

And I shall spend my pension

 

on brandy and summer gloves

 

And satin sandals,

 

and say we've no money for butter.

 

I shall sit down on the pavement when I am tired,

 

And gobble up samples in shops and press alarm bells,

 

And run my stick along the public railings,

 

And make up for the sobriety of my youth.

 

I shall go out in my slippers in the rain

 

And pick the flowers in other people's gardens,

 

And learn to spit.

 

You can wear terrible shirts and grow more fat,

 

And eat three pounds of sausages at a go,

 

Or only bread and pickle for a week,

 

And hoard pens and pencils and beer mats

 

and things in boxes.

 

But now we must have clothes that keep us dry,

 

And pay our rent and not swear in the street,

 

And set a good example for the children.

 

We will have friends to dinner and read the papers.

 

But maybe I ought to practise a little now?

 

So people who know me

 

are not too shocked and surprised,

 

When suddenly I am old

 

and start to wear purple.

 

Jenny Joseph

[Cmon]

What did anyone think of mine? (its on the first page)

[cathal]

Thank you greenbelt_girl15

 

Cmon, regarding your poem please take my opinion in the spririt of constructive critisism. I am myself a learning poet and no professional...definitely not a master writer. So you can feel free to take my words with the appropriate grain of salt.

 

I think it has a lot of potential, but personally I think you are concerned more on punctuation and form rather than message and imagery.

[Cmon]

Thnx any advice is welcome hell how are we ment to improve ourselves thnx a lot.

[cathal]

I'm glad! Some folks can't take any opinion other than "you're the best"

 

[Cmon]

Nah i see critisism (sp) as a way of growing. Anyway it always gives you an excuse to hurt someone as well

[isshinryu5toforever]

Some would call me a stupid man,

But regret is the worst way to feel.

So, with fear in my heart I began,

I told you my heart was made of steel

until you looked into my eyes.

I didn't say how I felt for the longest time.

I couldn't keep up the guise,

Your beauty makes me rhyme.

Even if you reject my request,

I can live with the choice I've made.

I'll still wish you all the best,

My feelings might someday fade.

You wouldn't be the first to hurt my heart,

With that said I'll now depart.

[cathal]

An emotonal peice to be sure. I think it may be more effective if you restructure it to a more strict form, rather than this current almost-free hand form.