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Knee Slappers


hobz

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Some of these I got these from https://www.pvponline.com if anyone reads, there's the credit.

 

Sorry these remind me of my dad's lame jokes :)

 

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There were two chickens on either side of the road, one chicken says to the other chicken "How do I get to the other side of the road?". So the other chicken yells "You Imbicile! You are on the other side".

 

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Two drums and a cymbal set fall of a cliff.

 

....

 

BUH-DUM

 

CSHHHH!

 

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A Priest, a Rabei, and a Buddhist Monk walk into a bar, and the bartender says: "What is this some kind of joke?!".

Rule #1: Play the game to the limit. Damn the consequences.

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I like the last one. I've never heard any of those infamous bar jokes, believe it or not! I've heard of references made to them, but no complete jokes.

 

Does anyone know what the joke about the so-called, "12-inch pianist" is about?

Kool Kiais: ICE! DIE! KITES! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH! KIAI!


"Know Thyself"


"Circumstances make me who I am."

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There is this guy who walks into a bar and notices a man 12 inches tall playing the piano. He asks what it is all about and the barman tells him he'll tell him later.

 

So he asks the barman for a drink and the barman says,

 

'Before you get your drink you get to rub the magic beer bottle and make a wish.'

 

'OK,' says the guy.

 

He goes to the bottle and rubs it and, boom, out comes a genie, who says,

 

'You have one wish.'

 

The man thinks about it and then wishes for a million bucks. A cloud of smoke fills the room and when the smoke clears there are a million ducks crowding the bar.

 

He tells the barman,

 

'Hey, I didn't want a million ducks.'

 

The barman replies, 'You think I wanted a 12-inch pianist?'

Rule #1: Play the game to the limit. Damn the consequences.

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Ooooookay. :P Is there supposed to be some sort of dirty insinuation behind it?

Kool Kiais: ICE! DIE! KITES! DAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH! KIAI!


"Know Thyself"


"Circumstances make me who I am."

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I think so June1 ! ;-)

 

Okay - here are a couple of my fave "kneeslapper" jokes!

 

A man walks into a bar.....ouch!

 

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Two fish are in a tank. One says to the other "do you know how to drive this thing?"

 

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A fire has reportedly burned down George Dubya's library. Both books are ruined and he'd only finished colouring one.

 

_______________________________

 

I must be having a bad day - I can;t think of any more!

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Two convicts are planning on what they'll do once they get out of prison. One of them decides to become a lawyer, the other chooses to go straight.

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Two men are in a bar, they have been best mates for about 5 Years! only one thing though. One of them has a messed up leg and the other has a hump back!

They're both sitting at the bar when one says:

"It's getting late! We better go or our wives wont let us come to the bar tomorrow!"

They both run outside.

The humped back bloke says:

"I'm taking the gravyard! It's alot quicker!"

Messed up leg bloke:

"I'm not, You don't know what could happen!

The man with the hump back walked through the graveyard as fast as he could when a ghost pops out from behind a gravestone and shouts:

"Whatyo got there!?"

"I-I Have a humped back ..."

"Ere! I'll 'ave that!"

And his hump Dissappeared! It Was A Mirical!

He ran home as fast as he could.

The next night at the bar he meets his best friend and the one with the gammy leg asks what happened to his hump ...

This is what the hump backed man says:

"Well I was walking through the cemetary when a ghost poped out and asked what I had and I told him I had a hump back and he said here, I'll have that! And it was gone!"

The Gammy Legged Mans Face was priceless!

He Went on ...

"How about you go through the cemetary tonight and tell him you have a gammy leg and get your's taken away!"

"Sounds Good."

The gammy legged man walks through the cemetary when a ghost pops out from behind a gravestone and says

"Oi! Whatyo got there!?!"

He Replies:

"Nufin."

So The ghost says:

"Ere! Ave an 'ump!

That is such a funny joke!! :lol:

Dear God,

Please Have Mercy On My Apponents

Because I Wont.

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