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UPDATED! Writing an article, need some help.


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Posted

Here it is:

 

I am writing to encourage all karate students, especially the youth. My

 

friends have said to me, “You have your black belt, why don’t you quit?”

 

Karate is not about getting a certain colored belt. Many people stay

 

with karate just to get a certain belt, whether it is green, purple,

 

brown or black. Once they get that belt, they quit. Anybody can buy any

 

colored belt they want from a martial arts distributor, but not

 

everybody can stick with karate. As Sempai Sydney Shimabokuro said in

 

his article, “Once you get you black belt, you realize how little you

 

really know.”

 

Instead of focusing on the color of your belt, it's better to focus on

 

learning. Never let yourself get bored. Always try to learn something

 

from each class. Give each class your all. Someone pays your tuition,

 

whether it be you or your parents. For every class you take that you

 

don’t give your all and learn something, the money you or your parents

 

paid has been wasted.

 

When I went to Japan and trained with Seto Sensei, I noticed that there

 

were no colored belts until green. His students remained at white belt

 

for 2 or 3 years! This was humbling because when I first started, I was

 

very concerned with what color my belt was. It took me a long time to

 

realized that karate is more about learning than what color your belt

 

is. I think I finally learned this lesson after I became black belt.

 

Right after I earned a black belt, I became bored with karate. But

 

lately I have realized how learning is much more important than

 

advancing. Even though I cannot advance in rank at all for at least 2

 

more years, karate is more interesting than ever.

 

Good luck to you in your karate practice.

 

Osu!

"What we do in life, echoes in eternity."


"We must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men."

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Posted

What do you think?

"What we do in life, echoes in eternity."


"We must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men."

Posted

The content of the article is great.

 

:)

 

I think that it could do with a bit of editting. The article could be made to flow a bit better. Currently some of the ideas are presented in a jumbled order. I will make some specific suggestions for improvements shortly.

 

It is a good first draft.

Posted

It's a good start.I would put more emphasis on why belts are not important.Espcially from your point of view,since I'm sure their are more young people at your dojo who are just in it for a belt.You could really be an inspiration to them to learn Karate.Not just learning what it takes to get a belt.

ISAIAH 53:5

Posted

Here is my suggestion for the second draft. You will notice that mainly I have have just shuffled around the sentences, as I tried to improve the flow of the article.

 

***********************

 

I am writing to encourage all karate students, especially the young. My

 

friends have said to me, “You have your black belt, why don’t you quit?”

 

Karate is not about getting a certain colored belt. Many people stay

 

with karate just so that they may achieve a certain belt, whether it is green, purple,

 

brown or black. Once they get that belt, they quit. Anybody can buy any

 

colored belt they want from a martial arts distributor, but not

 

everybody can stick with karate.

 

When I went to Japan and trained with Seto Sensei, I noticed that there

 

were no colored belts until green. His students remained at white belt

 

for 2 or 3 years! This was humbling because when I first started, I was

 

very concerned with the color of my belt. It took me a long time to

 

realize that karate is more about learning than what color your belt

 

is. I think, I finally learned this lesson after I became black belt.

 

Instead of focusing on the color of your belt, it's better to focus on

 

learning. Never let yourself get bored. Always try to learn something

 

from each class. Give each class your all. Someone pays your tuition,

 

whether it be you or your parents. For every class you take that you

 

don’t give your all and learn something, the money you or your parents

 

paid has been wasted.

 

 

 

Right after I earned a black belt, I became bored with karate. But

 

lately I have realized how learning is much more important than

 

advancing. As Sempai Sydney Shimabokuro said in

 

his article, “Once you get you black belt, you realize how little you

 

really know.” Even though I cannot advance in rank at all for at least 2

 

more years, karate is more interesting than ever.

 

Good luck to you in your karate practice.

Posted

Thanks, It sounds a lot better

"What we do in life, echoes in eternity."


"We must all fear evil men. But there is another kind of evil which we must fear most, and that is the indifference of good men."

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