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Posted

Everyone out there, send me a million dollars

 

and I'll make you a blackbelt in 1 day

 

and I'll even refund your money if you're not satisfied.................................................

 

..................if you can find me afterwards.

What works works

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Posted

Hello fellow martial artist, are you tired of feeling helpless on the streets? Well have I got a solution for you. Buy my new 16 DVD/VHS/Book/magazine/soapdispenser/beltbuckle package and you will get everything you wish you had, then some! Only 60 easy payments of $287.34!!!!!! What a deal! Compare this to real dojos at the price of possibly 5 dollars a lesson, you are truly getting your money's worth! In my first through 5th DVD series I cover the basics, brushing your teeth, wiping your bunghole, washing your hands (hints to the soap dispenser) and even how to die your own shoe!!!!!! In The 6-12 DVD series I cover intermediate techniques...included is how to use your leg hairs like a ninja would, and for those girls that don't have any...how to use your fingernails to slice through a man's (or girl's, we are a nondiscriminating company) vital organs! And finally, what you've been waiting for, my 13-16 DVD series covers only techniques for the most advanced. Included is how to run away, the proper strides for running, and how to jump over fences when you're running. Buy now while it's hot!!!! You will also get your 10th degree black belt certification and a club member patch.

Posted

Where do I sign up?!! :D

"Was it really worth it? Only time and death may ever tell..." The Beautiful South - The Rose of My Cologne


Sheffield Steelers!

Posted

1kickKO,

 

If your serious you need to post the web address where we can purchase your DVD series. I've been in the martial arts a long time and I have never seen such a complete package as yours. hahaha J/K

 

I find the biggest problems with these so called complete packages with belt included is that the instructor selling the packages are hurting these individuals by giving them a faulse sense of the ability to defend themselfs when really all they really know is how to get their butts kicked.

A True Martial Arts Instructor is more of a guide than anything, on your way to developing the warrior within yourself!!!!!

Posted

I can make you a Black Belt in 1/2 day!!!! ANd I only charge $9999.99!

 

For that you will receive:

 

Your DVD showing you the moves you need to take the test.

 

Your self-grading testing sheet.

 

Your genuine black belt.

 

Your ownership papers for the Brooklyn Bridge.

 

A Genuine Rolax watch.

 

And for a small additional charge you will receive an picture ID card, that ceritifes that you have passed the Black Belt certification from Bruce's Oriental Grading University System! That's right! Show your B.O.G.U.S. Certificate with pride! :)

 

A little over the top?

TKD WTF/ITF 2nd Dan

"A Black Belt Is A White Belt That Never Quit"

Posted

^I would just like to take the time to let you all know the above is complete B/S! MY DEAL IS MUCH BETTER. If you buy now, I'll take a dollar off the price and also include a club pin, a club left handed pad (you haev to purchase the right hand, left foot, and right foot separately, so look out for ads on my new protective wear featured in my new magazine "BuyEverythingLearnNothing!"), club dojo pictures, a club profile of other club members, a club membership to my phone number for support (any calls over 2 minutes are an additional 6 dollars per minute), a club broom, a club doorknob, a club bar of soap, a club candy bar, a club soda, a club cup, a club piece of paper, a club button, a club alarm clock, a club pencil sharpener, a club dog, and just a club (for use of hitting upside the head, which will be in my upcoming release of my 17th DVD!!!). Still not impressed? What if I say you will win every fight, and become a world champion in 2 days? Buy now while it's HOT HOTTTT HOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!!!

Posted

All of your courses sound good, but I don't want to take as much as a half a day to bet that black belt. Can I just get the Cliff Notes and do it in an hour? :wink:

when you create the world's largest trailer park, you're going to have tornadoes

Posted

^^^ Laughing at the thought of someone standing there reading from a Cliff Notes guide while his opponent smashes his face in.

 

All this reminds me of the Simpsons episode where Homer wanted to buy a gun and was told there was a 7 day waiting period. He whines "But I'm mad now!"

Res firma, mitescere nescit

Posted

Cliff notes? For MY course? ARE YOU CRAZY? OF COURSE there are cliff notes available, but they come on the side with the DVD package that you must first purchase! Or you can look in my magazine article entitiled "Train for 5 (mins.) become a black belt in 20 (mins)!

Posted

Wow!!!! what a website... I just emailed him and said; "As kindly as I can say this you are a disgrace to the martial arts".

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