Need help with a decision

[Papillon950]

Alright, this is an odd post, but I really have no idea who else to consult about this. I need help deciding on whether I was in the right or not.

 

It's about midnight. My brother (20), his friend (19), and I (18.) were returning from a movie, when we noticed the car next to ours had had its front window smashed in and its stereo stolen. I was the only one with a cell phone, so I offered to call the police. The boys thought it would be easier to just go back to the theatre and find a security guard. So I offered to stay with the car in case the owner returned. My brother refused, seeing as I was a girl and the youngest. My independent feminism went off, and I was mad. I have been taking tai kwan do for about month now, and before that I studied hap ki do techniques for three months, so needless to say I knew how to defend myself better than my brother's friend who stayed instead.

 

As we drove back to the theatre, I offered to go find the security guard. My brother refused again, saying I didn't have enough experience in this sort of thing. Now I was livid, and I got out of the car anyway and walked towards the theatre to report the break in, all the while my brother yelling at me to come back (he couldn't follow because he was in the no parking zone). After reporting the incident, I got back to the car, and we argued about it. My brother argued that I had to obey him because he was older and my authority, I argued back that his being older didn't qualify him to order me around like he was my father.

 

Was I in the right in this situation? I understand that my brother just wanted to protect me by making me come with him to the theatre, but I was insulted that he had so little confidence in my skills and knowledge. I need an outsiders opinion on this, replies would be welcomed.

[White Warlock]

Well, i gotta tell you up front. 4 months of martial arts training does not make you qualified to or able to defend yourself. In fact, it likely makes you more vulnerable, in that you are a point where you very likely are in the middle of questioning everything you do in a confrontation. You have not had sufficient training to have it ingrained.

 

More to say, but gotta run. Bbl to add additional thoughts.

[Kreisi]

Well, i gotta tell you up front. 4 months of martial arts training does not make you qualified to or able to defend yourself.

 

agree with warlock

[White Warlock]

Okay, back.

 

Other points are these:

• Your brother is 20, his friend 19, and you're 18. Although age may not necessarily be a factor as to whom has better insight into things, you do need to recognize that if something had happened to you, your parents would have blamed your brother for not protecting you and for putting you in harm's way. However, if something had happened to him, they would not have blamed you at all. Considering this, I would say you need to respect your brother's predicament and his assumed responsibilities.
   
  
• The car was already broken into, so there was no need to protect it further.
   
  
• It is very likely that if the person who broke the window was still around, he would be 'more' inclined to confront a woman, than he would a man.
   
  
• Women provide 'additional' opportunities for a criminal. These are in the form of sexual gratification, or physical dominance against the opposite sex. A woman alone, at night, is far more likely to be assaulted than a man alone, at night.
   
  
• To assume that someone is going to 'give' you the opportunity to defend yourself... is a major mistake in judgement. Also consider that if they wanted to do you harm, although they may approach you straight away, they may also present a weapon, or simply assault you from behind. The ability to defend yourself does not 'necessarily' increase your degree of awareness, and it offers absolutely no protection from a bullet. It also provides very little protection from multiple assailants.
   
  
• I have a suspicion that your brother's friend is a good runner. This may have been the 'deciding factor' in your brother choosing his friend to be the designated sacrificial lamb. You see, had danger presented itself, fighting would have been the 'worst' option to choose. The best option would have been to run while yelling, for it would likely have caused the assailants to run as well, in the opposite direction. Especially if the person running and yelling, looked too hard to catch.
   
  
• But really... in no uncertain terms, NOBODY should have stayed with the vehicle. It is property, and not even 'your' property. Also, as i noted above, it was already broken into, so there's nothing to 'protect.' By staying around, you three CREATED something to protect. Something far more valuable than a mere steering wheel (the only thing left in the vehicle worth stealing).
   
  
• Had something happened to your brother's friend, i'm sure his parents would have blamed your brother for having poor judgement and leaving him in harm's way, being he was the elder of the group. Something i suspect your brother may have considered, but had not given sufficient consideration over. Or, it could be that he opted to leave his friend at the scene, as a means to 'pacify' you. In this, it may be that your reaction to this 'presumed' assault on your toughness actually endangered your brother's friend's life.
   
  
• Legally, without the owner of the vehicle present, nothing could be done by anyone. The police would not have come to the scene, as no report could have been taken. Indeed, it could very well have been that the window had previously been broken and the stereo had been removed by the owner. It's not the police's job to speculate, or to run on your speculations... so they would have waited for the actual owner to call. In this, calling 911 would have been both inappropriate (in that it was not an emergency), and fruitless.
   
  
• Had you witnessed the crime being committed, or encountered evidence that may have helped the police to locate the persons responsible, then you could have had something to report. But seeing a window broken, and a stereo system missing... is insufficient.
   
  
• The security guard of the theatre would merely have been able to make a notation in his log. If he had called the police, he would have been dismissed by them, just as you would have been dismissed (in truth, it is very likely that the security guard got all official, rushed to the scene, and started acting like a professional criminal investigator... touching everything, leaving his fingerprints all over everything, and even probably reaching into the car to rummage through the items in it, in an attempt to determine who owned the vehicle. Unfortunately, most security guards don't receive proper training, and have their 'egos' associated with that little plastic badge they wear. In this, they often create more problems for police than assistance).

I'm just glad nothing actually did occur, or we would have heard quite a different story.

As we drove back to the theatre, I offered to go find the security guard. My brother refused again, saying I didn't have enough experience in this sort of thing.

On this point, i think your brother made a bad call. Him having 2 years additional experience in 'being alive' really didn't make him anymore qualified to communicate to a security guard about a broken window and a missing stereo system. Seeing as you were already a tad upset, he should not have prevented you from doing 'something,' seeing as it was clear you wanted to.

 

On an end comment, i commend you and your brother for being proactive in this. Few would have made the effort, or even been 'motivated' as both of you were, to communicate to the authorities. Every incident in life gives an opportunity to gain a larger understanding of not only what to do, but what you're made of. But please, whenever attempting to do the right thing, check your ego at the door. It doesn't belong on the battlefield and only increases the risks to yourself and your loved ones.

 

Take care and hope to see you around here more often.

[delta1]

Wow, White Warlock! That was a pretty good reply! I agree with you, except I'd modify one part. If you are in a larger city, you are probably correct about the police not necessarily comeing to investigate. But in smaller towns, they almost certainly would. Of course, some of them would likely get all official, start rummaging through the car, leaving fingerprints, making assumptions, ... .

 

Papillon950, you acted on your ego, and in a pretty irresponsible manner. While your brother is not 'officially in charge', you put him in a very difficult situation. Like it or not, society's norms put the responsibility of protecting women on men. You are at an age where you want to exercise your freedom and gain independance, but probably don't have the common sense born of experience to do so safely. We all go through that, so I'm not dumping on you- just pointing out a fact of life. Just develope an awareness that this tendency is prevalant at your age and engage your brain instead of your ego.

 

There are very good reasons that all societiys' put the responsibility of defence primarily on men first. It doesn't make you any less to let him take the lead in this situation. He was a little overbearing, but you were a little reckless. And it sounds like the two of you fed off each others attitudes. I'd guess that you are both 'take charge' type people. That's good, but only if you develope some humility to go with that attitude, and get the experience necessary to actually lead. Otherwise, you will allways be just an ego in conflict with some nother ego.

[Papillon950]

Thank you to all who responded, I really appreciated your opinions. It was stupid of me to assume I could defend myself on four months of training alone, I realize that now. Furthermore I'd like to apologize for dumping my problem on you guys, it was pretty ridiculous of me.

 

Thank you again for your replies, when my brother gets home from work we'll probably sort it out then.

 

As for what happened with the police, I live in a suburb of Denver, so they probably did the only thing they could do in a situation like that (seeing as that stereo is most likely gone forever). I gave them my home number, where the car was located, and its license plate number. Then we went home. So hopefully the owner has insurance.

[monkeygirl]

Thank you to all who responded, I really appreciated your opinions. It was stupid of me to assume I could defend myself on four months of training alone, I realize that now. Furthermore I'd like to apologize for dumping my problem on you guys, it was pretty ridiculous of me.

 

Thank you again for your replies, when my brother gets home from work we'll probably sort it out then.

 

As for what happened with the police, I live in a suburb of Denver, so they probably did the only thing they could do in a situation like that (seeing as that stereo is most likely gone forever). I gave them my home number, where the car was located, and its license plate number. Then we went home. So hopefully the owner has insurance.

Hey, don't get down on yourself! That's what we're here for: answering questions. If that involves a little problem-dumping...so be it.

 

And about the four months of training thing...I think we've all been there. Between three months to a year of training is probably the most dangerous amount. You have just enough knowledge to make you think you're deadly, and not enough to realize that you really are deadly...to yourself. The flip side is that many of us don't end up in situations where our absence of sufficient skill is made apparent. Consider yourself lucky that everything turned out okay, and that you've had this opportunity to learn a lesson without anyone getting hurt.

 

Who knows, if something had happened, maybe you COULD have taken care of yourself...but that's not the point. I've had four YEARS of training (and that really isn't much in the grander scheme of things), and I still wouldn't want to get into a situation like that. Sure, a little part of me would find it thrilling. But the smarter part of me asks: what if he had a knife? A gun? Friends? Even if I have had some training in that kind of defense, I don't like the odds.

 

Remember: the best offense is a good defense, and that means prevention! That goes for a lot of things in life.

 

With all of that said, I'm moving this to the Strategies & Tactics forum, since it really is about self defense.

 

Welcome to the forums

[White Warlock]

Thank you to all who responded, I really appreciated your opinions. It was stupid of me to assume I could defend myself on four months of training alone, I realize that now. Furthermore I'd like to apologize for dumping my problem on you guys, it was pretty ridiculous of me.

As monkeygirl stated, no apologies needed. Although this is the net, it still required a bit of inner strength to ask the question. It also showed that you are willing to 'question' yourself. I wouldn't underrate that by calling it ridiculous, and i meant it when i said i hoped to see you here more often.

 

Later,

 

Me

[delta1]

Papillon950, like I said, we all go through that phase in our lives, and others are correct in saying we go through a dangerouse phase in our martial arts training as well. You just got double whammied, going through both at the same time. But the fact that you actually steped back and looked at you actions honestly puts you miles ahead of the average person to start with. Most of us get stuck in those phases untill enough hard knocks convince us to move on. It's all training, in martial arts and in life. You're doing ok, so stay with it! Hope to see you here more often.

[White Warlock]

Hope to see you here more often.

Bah! That's my line!