Self-Defense for my Son - advice

[Chef919]

My son has been getting harassed at school for a few months. The school does not seem to want to do much about it so I feel it is time to take the next step and teach my son to defend himself since it is starting to get violent. He's a small boy, which of course makes him a target for this sort of thing, so I was thinking some close contact forms like Judo or Jujitsu that focus on grappling and ground fighting might best fit him. I considered Krav Maga but I just want him to be able to defend himself not break someone's neck...he's only 7 years old and teaching him that seems a bit irresponsible to me right now.

 

I do know that in his training I want him to have actual contact. I think he needs to learn what it feels like to hit a person instead of kicking at the air and what it feels like to take a hit as well. At the same time I want to make sure he doen't get beat up more at class than on the playground. I also want to make sure he learns how to diffuse a situation before resorting to violence.

 

He's very smart and learns quickly, and has a pretty muscular build. He's built like a fire hydrant.

 

More than anything else he needs to learn to fight in a way that will enable him to protect himself in reality and not just in a tournament setting where there are rules, and pads.

 

My questions are:

 

Given his small size what form of art would you suggest?

 

How do I go about researching schools and checking their qualifications? We live in Phoenix so almost all forms are available to us...at least I would assume.

 

What things should I look out for in a school that should raise a red flag?

 

What can I do as a father to help him learn?

 

Any help would be appreciated.

[Beiner]

Id suggest calling his attackers parents, and if they dont do anything filing a case for neglect.

 

Martial arts are a conveyence for self defense, not to learn to beat up your attacker.

 

Now for a martial art my bias is for ju jitsu, limited force required to control the situation.

[Dijita]

Keep in mind, that any form of martial arts or self defense training takes years and years of practice before they can actually be used in a real life street fight.

 

I agree with Beiner. Getting your kid into a martial arts for the sole fact of learning to beat up this kid so he can "defend" himself, isn't the best idea.

 

However, if you still want to get him into a contact martial arts, you can look into Kyokushin, Mui Thai, kickboxing or Akido... and I am sure there are others, but I wouldn't know much about the other styles.

[Chef919]

Thank you both for your quick responses. Perhaps I gave you the wrong impression. My purpose for encouraging him to pursue MA is not solely for the purpose of beating up an attacker (although that does seem to be the definition of "self-defense" to me). What draws me more to MA than just buying a heavy bag and gloves and teaching him how to fight conventionally is the tradition in MA of learing first how to avoid and diffuse violent situations while maintaining your dignity and self-respect. Believe me the last thing I want is my kid involved in schoolyard brawls. However I also know a bit about this since I was about his size when I was his age and suffered through similar problems. It didn't stop until I finally stood up for myself and pounded my bully. I know the humiliation of going home to face your father having bumps and bruises and having to admit you got beat up. That can have a long lasting effect on your self-esteem and continue on into adulthood. I want him to have confidence in himself and self-respect and in a worst case scenario I want him to know he has the ability to defend himself and I know from experience that at some point there comes a time when you simply have to fight. So it's not simply the violent aspects I am looking at. It's the self-respect, the confidence, the ability to diffuse situations...all those things...AND if necessary the ability to fight in a worst case secnario

[Red J]

My son has been getting harassed at school for a few months. The school does not seem to want to do much about it

 

I would start with a letter to the principal, cc to teacher, superintendent and school board members. I guarantee you will get results especially if you are seeing repeated behaviors that constitute harassment.

 

Now for the martial arts. I would visit some schools in your area and see who has what you want. You seem to have a pretty good idea already and you want your son to be taught how to diffuse situations and have self respect. You just need to see what is available and appropriate for your son.

 

Good luck.

[searcher]

I agree, you need to visit some different schools and see what is out there. Remember that the instructor is almost as important as the style. If you visit enough schools you will find the one that you are looking for, so keep an open mind about the styles. Be patient, it will take time and practice to develope good self-defense skills and you should consider enrolling yourself in the class with your son.

[Shane]

It just seems like the schools are getting worse and worse rather than better with ensuring these types of things dont happen. I know they can only do so much but it almost seems like they have just gotten use to it and dont do much to prevent it.

 

Anyways I would for sure keep taking appropriate measures at the school and getting your child into the martial arts would be wonderful. Its going to be hard to find a school that will teach your child real self defense, I'm sorry but to many schools out there say their stuff works but its really not that effective. Our Jujitsu program does not let a child in until they are atleast 12 this is due to the brutal techniques in the program, I would suggest trying to find a Jujitsu school if possible. It would be great to find a Jujitsu school that also trained some muay thai for their stand up. Over 80% of male fights end up on the ground, so you for sure want grappling training.

 

Give him the skills needed just incase! Those are my thoughts

[delta1]

Chef919, you gave the real answer to your problem in your second post:

I also know a bit about this since I was about his size when I was his age and suffered through similar problems. It didn't stop until I finally stood up for myself and pounded my bully.

 

I had to face this with all three of my sons. I let them know that as long as they weren't responsible for the problem, if they were attacked or harrassed and had to defend themselves, I'd back them up all the way. I also let the school authorities and police know that this was my position, and I dang well meant it. I've allways told my kids that while diffusing a situation is preferable, they don't have to take continual harrassment, and NEVER have to take an assault without responding with whatever level of violence they deem necessary. I trust their judgement in this, and have gone to the wall for them with more than one petty authority figure. They'll back down from you for the same reason they don't address your sons' problem- they are spineless jerks! This sounds a little harsh, but the first thing a child has to know is it is ok to defend yourself, and his parents will back him up when in the right.

 

Martial arts, as Dijita said, take a long time to learn. But, they can be effective in an amazingly short time. My brother, as a purple belt in American Kenpo at the time, handled a multiple armed assault by some of the Mariel Boat Lift trash in Miami several years ago. He didn't come out unscathed (I allways tell him he's so ugly it doesn't matter anyhow), but he survived in relatively good shape and actually won the fight. He worked security in Dade County, and had several seriouse conflicts, all of which he won. And purple belt is about 1 1/2yrs in most AK schools.

 

Whatever style you choose for your son, make sure they:

 

Spar, often with contact. For kids, this may not be for a while. And there are varrying levels of contact. But they should work students up to hard contact.

 

Train their self defenses and attacks at realistic range. These too should progress from learning on a compliant partner to a full out attack from a resisting partner.

 

"The List" is a definate no-no. Some systems give you a list that says 'do this for a grab, this for a punch, ...'. No list can cover all the variables in a fight. One generic defense for a grab can't address what to do if he grabs and pushes back, holds you, pins you to a wall, or pulls you in. And punches come from an infinite variety of distances, angles, configurations. Techniques should teach principles, concepts, patterns of motion. NOT if this, do this!

 

Make sure they work the basics, and demand a degree of mastery in them before promoting. Without being drilled in basics, no technique is going to work well- especially in the real thing where muscle memory takes over from cognitive memory (another reason the 'list' won't work).

 

As far as recomending styles, there are a lot of good ones. Schools and instructors varry though, so this would be my primary focus in choosing for your son.

 

For self defense, American Kenpo is hard to beat. Fillipino Martial Arts can be good, and any of the Kempo family are good systems. Styles that include grappling and ground fighting in particular are good, but I don't recomend the purely grappling arts for self defense. Having said that, don't count them out completely either. Some grappling schools do a lot of striking with a lot of contact. I know striking is a part of Brazilian Jiu Jitsu, and moreso in Sambo and Pancration.

 

Bottom line, keep an open mind and check out everything in your area. But know what you are looking for going in. Narrow your search down to 2-3 schools, then take a harder look at them. Don't be in a big hurry to sign him up. Considering the future investment in time and money you'll both be making, take a little extra time to decide now.

 

Good luck!

[SloMo]

I may get a lot of flak for saying this but for kids, the instructor is more important than the style! Teaching kids isn't easy and not everybody can do it. You don't want to make the situation worse by putting him in a school where they make him feel worse about himself.

 

We had a kid join our class with a similar problem. We stress to our kids that fighting is the absolute LAST resort and we mean it.

 

He still got picked on for a while but he felt that he was at least doing something to correct the situation in the long run.

 

After a while they stopped picking on him. If you ever see somebody who knows how to handle themselves they display what we call "a quiet confidence". People pick up on it and respond. In this case the people stopped picking on him ( eventually, it was not one of those movie plots that the kids suddenly respect him and they become best buddies ) and now he thinks they are ridiculous and wonders why he ever let them bother him in the first place.

 

Now, I do live in reality. My daughter had a problem where a boy was toucher her ( kids stuff like lifting her skirt ) and I had her do everything she could, she told the teacher, then the vice principal, then the principal and nothing changed. So I told her the next time he does it to punch him in the nose as hard as she could. She did and I got called to the school. I asked them what she sould have done and they said all the things that she did do. I told them that my daughter should not have been in a position to have to do that and it was the schools fault for not dealing with it the first time.

 

Getting back to my original point, find your kid a school that has good experience with kids. Talk to the other parents. Visit some classes randomly. And let your kid try it for a few weeks and see if they like it.

 

Hope this helps....

 

Mo

[Shito Ryu]

If you want to get your kid ready for "street" fights, then I would go for a mix of different styles. Most japanese karate styles were created by shorter people, so smaller people often are able to adapt to those styels better. So for Japanese styles try for Shotokan, Goju, Shito Ryu. etc. etc. etc. Or look for a Jeet Kun Do school, I think that those are fairly hard to find but Bruce Lee's style is an excellent all around style.

 

I would personaly get him started with a combo of, Kenpo, Aikido\Jiu-Jitsu, and Kickboxing\Mui-Tai. Don't enroll him in the nearest YMCA's TKD program(or almost any TKD program for htat matter) cause I'd say that 95% of all the TKD\Kungfu schools out there are what I think Black belt magazine refered to as "Fast food Schools" Basicly cheap watered down styles that give you a false sense of confidence. I know cause I have been to a few in different states. Mostly its greedy korean people, that hand out belts and charge massive amounts of money, to little kids that want to be like the Power rangers or Neo, or whatever the latest martial art hero is.

 

Now that I have said my little rant, I will ask one question. Is pepperspray be an illegal item on the playground? Cause that would be very cheap and fairly easy to use(just make sure he knows enough NOT to point it the wrong way) Man and that would scare the hell outs those bullies. And dude, if for some reason you do get the Pepperspray make sure to secretly video tape him using it, that would be a good few minutes of entertainment.