Hey I need a little advice

[Beiner]

Hey I know Im newer to the forums, but a lot of smart things have been said here adn you all have helped me out before.

 

My girlfriend of three years left me about 2 weeks ago, and Ive gone through the stages of grief and everything; but thats not really the issue.

 

SHe left me not because of anything I did or didnt do, I treated her right, she just said that she needed to go explore the new college enviroment.

 

I told her she can go and have my blessing and that no bridges were burnt, she told me she still loves me and always will.

 

So A little time went by and we didnt talk ( I guess a little is relative, but about a week)

 

and we talked again, saw eachother and the chemistry was still there. She says she wants me to be her *buddy, and that she sees us getting back together. I miss her with every fibre in my body, and we had a future planned together.

 

So Im stuck here, on one hand it would be very easy to just not talk to her and move on with my life. On the other we had something great, and now the temptation to get back with her is dangling ther infront of em.

 

Now we have talked and we both said were remaining loyal to one another and everything, but I see this as dumb as I think we should either be together or not.

 

So wahtever advice you can give, thanx

[foreveryoung001]

Wow, that is a tough one

 

I think I would look at her honesty as a positive. From your description, she seemed to be up front and open about her desires while she was a college. This could be taken as a good sign in a relationship.

 

How often would you be able to see her. I speak from experience when I say that long distance, even if the distance isn't all that long, can be very hard. I made it through mine while a girlfriend was at college, but it was very hard. Then when she came home from college, we realized that we had each changed while apart, and that's when we broke up.

 

If you have an oportunity to see her often, and it sounds like you still care for each other, then it might be worth it...

 

Search your heart...

[Beiner]

Well we go to different schools in teh same city, and I have a car so it really makes no difference about the distance.

 

She also has arthritous and lupus, so shes sicka lot and during my time with her I took care of her a lot. ( a lot of carrying involved) this is relevant because she trys to go out and do the colege thing, but then she gets really sick. Like for example she went once, slept the next day, and couldnt really walk the following day. But anyway, she was my world. I gave up so much for her. Now I just want her back, even if I dont see her everyday, I want to see her.I know I love her, because not only did I feel that connection, Every hug ( which I would argue is the most intimate thing you can do) she gave me for 3 years, I tingeled. 3 years.

 

Blah.

[foreveryoung001]

She also has arthritous and lupus, so shes sicka lot and during my time with her I took care of her a lot. ( a lot of carrying involved) this is relevant because she trys to go out and do the colege thing, but then she gets really sick. Like for example she went once, slept the next day, and couldnt really walk the following day. But anyway, she was my world. I gave up so much for her. Now I just want her back, even if I dont see her everyday, I want to see her.I know I love her, because not only did I feel that connection, Every hug ( which I would argue is the most intimate thing you can do) she gave me for 3 years, I tingeled. 3 years.

 

Blah.

 

A pretty important detail to leave out. Knowing this... I'd say dump her!!!!

 

Just kidding.

 

Does she know what she has in you? Somebody to stay and help her through the hard times can be a very rare find. I don't care if it is an illness, a depression, or just a hard time dealing with something, someone who will stay with you through thick and thin is becoming a very rare commodity.

 

As for your dedication to her, that is to be applauded.

 

I know you want to jump right back into things, but perhaps you could take it slow for a couple of weeks, and let things build back up. Don't rush things.... don't push things. It sounds like you truly care about her, but without knowing her, it is a little difficult for me to offer too much advice.

[P.A.L]

you have done a great job taking care of her,whatever you do just don't stay with her out of pity.

 

take care man.

[Beiner]

No she was wonderful too me, and part of the reason she elft was because I was too worried about her I guess. She wants to go out and expirience college.

 

I took great care of her, I havnt even said all of the stuff I did for her, and I never did ti out of pity. I figured if the roles were reversed she'd do teh same, adn thats what love is.

 

Now Im bloody dying, I miss her so much and I love her, and I worry about her still.

 

She told me she thinks we do need and go do our own things for a bit, adn that when we get back together things will be a lot better.

 

Then she got mad when I said if, as she sees it happening for sure.

 

But after all of this was said she has been distant and stuff, so maybe shes trying to rush through it, but I know even if shes right I still need someone to talk to and someone to love.

 

Blah do you think she's playing games with me? Im not the type of guy to be manipulated, I wear my heart on my sleeve, and I know it.

 

She treated me very well, and she seems to miss me a bunch. So just lemme know

[White Warlock]

There's really not enough information being presented here, especially in regards to her... which gives me the impression you're not in touch with her feelings. Her life and her needs, maybe, but not here feelings.

 

I'm going to take a leap, based on what little you provided, and speculate that she is encouraging you to get in touch with yourself, while she gets in touch with herself. I.e., gain a degree of independence.

 

The fact she waited a week before contacting you again, while living in the same city, causes me to think she's either really needing the space... or pushing for you to miss her, so you can *pop* the question.

 

Presently, without sufficient data, i'm leaning towards the former. If anything, i would take this as an opportunity for you to regain all those things you say you gave up for her. Regrets, even if you don't feel them now, can nip you and your relationship with her in the bud, when you least expect it. Maybe that's what's happening to her, or maybe she's worried that's what's going to happen to you.

 

Lots of what ifs here, unfortunately.

 

Anyway, i recommend regaining your independence and your life. Recover the excitement you had for all those things in your life that you let go while in this relationship. If, after all is said and done, the relationship is rekindled, great... at least you didn't waste your time in the interim. And, if it doesn't rekindle, great... at least you didn't waste your time in the interim.

[Sasori_Te]

I'm going to say that since she was going away to college that you guys are both around 18-19? You both have a lot of growing and maturing left to do. It sounds like to me she knows this and wants to go out and explore and live life a little. At least she was up front with you about it. She could have just done it behind your back. You need to respect her wishes and learn to get on with your life as well. It isn't easy. As for being sex buddies I wouldn't suggest it. It's not emotionally fair to either one of you. Good luck with this situation. I know it's tough.

[Beka]

Not knowing her, I can't tell you what to do, really. A family member (kinda distant, but still relevant) married a gal with lupus, knowing full well that she was ill, and she would probably not live long enough for them to start a family, and collect social security checks together. Still, he loved her, and they lived as a married couple for a little less than a year. She died before their first anniversary, when she was still very young (around 25 I'm guessing).

 

I don't know a lot about the disease, but I know it causes people to die at a young age. Perhaps your girlfriend realizes this, and wants to make the most out of the time she has here. Wether that's being a normal average college student, or sleeping around, whatever her perception of a fulfilled life is, basically. I think she may be a little bit confused as to what is worth what amount. I know that I personally would rather have a true love than a few fleeting flings, but this is her decision to make.

 

I think if you let yourself be stringed along, you will get hurt. But, if you allow yourself to feel guilty for not helping her when she's ill, you will probably also get hurt. So, I don't really know what you should do. But I think it takes an awesome person to be so giving to someone who has such a debilitating disease.

[DLopez]

Okay, If you don't want to hear some tough news, stop reading right now.

 

 

 

I mean it.

 

 

 

Seriously, if you just want to hear comforting words, and not an impartial opinion of what's going on, don't read any further.

 

 

 

 

 

Okay, last chance.

 

 

 

 

 

You're still reading?

 

 

 

 

 

Allright then, dude, I'm sorry to be the first one to say this, but from the sound of it, it doesn't sound like things are going to work out like you hope.

 

The "we need our space" line is an old one, and it's often used when the person wanting out of the relationship doesn't know how, or have the nerve, to come right out and say they want out of the relationship. The "we need our space" most often means the person saying it wants to see what dating other people will be like, and whether they find someone else as good as they already have is irrelevant to their thinking.

 

I know you have a lot of emotion invested in this relationship, but, if what you say is accurate, it's pretty evident that she doesn't share that same level of commitment you have.

 

You can wait for her to go off and "experience college", hoping she'll come back to you, but remember one thing: "Out of sight, out of mind." The longer you two are apart, the easier it will be for her to break it off later, by claiming that you two have "changed".

 

There's always the slim chance that she will come back, but I've seen this sort of thing too many times to not recognize what's going on. I just hate to see someone put themself through a lot of pain, hoping and wishing for something so bad. You're going to make it harder than necessary if you hang on and cling to the idea that she'll come running back or that she won't find someone else.

 

If she doesn't realize what she has in you, then it's going to be her loss, and you really deserve someone better than that.

 

I'm sorry if that was too blunt, but I belive it's better to face difficult changes straight up, and not try to convince yourself that change hasn't come in your life. It sounds like this is one of those times.