A mindset to train

[foreveryoung001]

I find myself in a dilema that is new to me. I am, at heart, a very peaceful person. I do not avoid conflict, but rather, I try to solve every conflict I can. I am in a position, where I am now the cause of conflict. In standing up for my 10 year old daughter, I made a statement that was taken the wrong way, and I have now been accused of attcking the character and integrity of another person's 18 year old daughter. I immediately apologized for the misunderstanding of my comment, and offered to try and explain myself further. This other person, only sees me as someone who verbally attacked her daughter, and is convinced that I did it with malice. She is currently not speaking with me. This poses a problem in that we both sit on the board of directors at the Dance studio where I also teach my Tae Kwon Do classes.

 

With the stress this has caused, I find myself in a mindset that is new to me. I can honestly never remember a single time where I have caused anyone this much anger.... well except my wife, but that's a long story.

 

While in this mindset, I am finding it very difficult to train. I have a very hard time getting motivated to work out. It is difficult to show up to teach my classes, knowing that this woman who now hates me is in the building. I have had people hate me before, but it has never effected my training like this is. Usually, when I get stressed out, i go workout, and it will help reduce the stress levels. Now, I can't even go to the Dojang without feeling my blood pressure rise a couple of notches.

 

And in case the question would arise... no there is no romantic interest between us. We are both happily (maybe a relative term)married to other people.

 

This whole story leads to my question: What is the best midset to workout in? Where are your mind and emotions focused when you feel that you received the most benefit from Training.

 

In the past, I would have said that I got the most benefit when I was stressed and angry, because I would push myself harder, I would force myself to focus more on my workout. I would train harder and longer. But now, I am rethinking that. Do you find that a certain amount of natural anger will help spur your body and mind into action? or, do you prefer to have an absolute peace and calm mind, body, and spirit while you are training?

 

Just curious.

[G95champ]

Some people train better when mad or upset. Its a way to release there stress and anger.

 

Other need to be calm or relaxed.

 

Bottom line to each his own but IMO Martial Arts should teach you to rise to the situation you train no matter how you feel because when your done you will feel better.

 

As far as this person being mad all you can do is say your sorry. If they accept great if they don't well thats there prob. not yours you offered a deal but if there unwilling to take it theres not much you can do or say.

 

Life goes on dont live in the past make up for it in the present.

[battousai16]

personally, i'm just never mad or upset when i go train. it may have happened before, but i don't remember. there's just something about going in there and seeing everyone that just kind of....warms me up, i guess.

 

if i don't wanna go to class, or do my homework, or anything, really, i generally go outside, take a few deep breaths and just try to see the beauty in things, and that generally makes me forget about anything that kept me from wanting to go. this woman wont be the end of the world. in no time at all she'll forget why she's even mad... unless of course you said something REALLY bad... in which case, just wait it out. coming from a family of all girls, i can tell you that they're never mad forever, even if they pretend they are.

[delta1]

Personally, I never really cared what anyone else thought about me. But when I've had to deal with this kind of person in a job, or even a volunteer situation, the anger and frustration has had a tendency to really wear me down. Sounds like this is what is happening to you. If this person has a problem, and there is no way other than confrontation, then I suggest you have it. Set up a meeting and get some things settled. Far better to do it in your time and on your terms than to let it wear you down, then have her undermining you all the time- maybe even blindsiding you with a few underhand political moves.

 

I'd suggest documenting what is going on, and allways try to have witnesses when you deal with her (unless you plan to 'take her out' ). Try to * your situation objectively as well. If she's popular with the rest of the board, you may have to minimize your losses and go elsewhere. Frankly, most of the dancers I've known were elitist snobs who had only disdain for the rest of us plebes, and no ammount of common sense could penetrate their arrogant view of the world at large. In short, you may not be able to win- just make sure you don't loose.

 

Also, I don't care much for 'forgiveness', unless they truly and meaningfully admit they are wrong and apologise. But it is important not to let them dominate your thoughts and emotions, as it will continue to wear you down.

[47MartialMan]

What is the best mindset to workout in?

 

Unless she is actually in one of your class, draw strength form your MA clsss. As a teacher, look upon the instruction and gain positive thoughts from the many students whose lives you are touching. Whenveer I am down, I draw srength from my family, my daughter, and my students. I would state religion, but I did not want to stir up any controversy.

 

Where are your mind and emotions focused when you feel that you received the most benefit from Training.

 

The training never has me thinking about things outside of the training hall. I enjoy it too much. The moment I walk in and dress, my mind is focused on a role, a job to do. Something like a Zen state. And you know you have this when someone tells YOU, that the time is up. Think of it as going to a movie. Would you think about this siutation in a theatre when the film is going on?

 

Do you find that a certain amount of natural anger will help spur your body and mind into action?

 

Sometimes, anger is a good stress relief provided that it is force into a direction that has no consequences. There are some that tend to "bottle-up" anger, but then explode, in many ways beyond control. So a little anger ventilation is psyhcological beneficiary. Do so, away from others. If you have a personal favorite, train with somone that will help you in confidence to disperse this anger.

 

or, do you prefer to have an absolute peace and calm mind, body, and spirit while you are training?

 

It is easy to seek these, provided that the mind is focused. If your mind is not focused in the first place, these would not be obtained.

 

Here is the way I see it:

 

Yes, I am a person that does not like personal conflict. And unlike others, I DO mind what others say or think about me. I have a moral image and obligation to be what an Amercian Indian, would say, "A Better Human".

 

If you had offered you humble apology and it was not accepted, then it IS the other person whom has the wrongful moral image. In another instance, maybe this person is "not ready" to forgive. Maybe you have to drop the subject, be friendly as usual, and see what "time" has.

[Bleeding Lion]

First of all, i am very sorry you find yourself in this situation. Though i dont know what you're going through, i can just imagine, having been in very disturbing mindsets myself. Hopefully it wont be long.

 

Good luck.

What is the best midset to workout in?

 

Where are your mind and emotions focused when you feel that you received the most benefit from Training.

 

Do you find that a certain amount of natural anger will help spur your body and mind into action? or, do you prefer to have an absolute peace and calm mind, body, and spirit while you are training?

 

I started MA to get discipline, focus and structure. Every time i step into the dojo, i try to make it a meditation lasting the whole practice, that is, i try to 'empty my mind' and find peace. I try to make it my own therapy, and so far i can say my stress level went significantly down.

 

Anger? sure it will give me a bit more energy, but i try to get away from it, as i believe it wears my mind out. seeking absolute peace sure works the best for me, and i try to drop anything i see as negative energy waves prior to practice. but hey, my MA journey recently restarted, who knows what will work for me in the future?

[foreveryoung001]

Thank you for all of your responses. It is very interesting to see where people would like their minds and emotions while they train. As of this morning, nothing has changed with my situation, but after a good nights sleep, I did have a great workout this morning. So perhaps the sting of the whole situation is already starting to where off.

 

But, I honestly don't know why I felt so good after my workout. Was it because my workout was more intense because of this whole situation, or was it because I was more focused because I really tried to concentrate on my workout rather than this whole situation?

 

I can't even answer the question I asked in my own post

 

Boy, what a crazy world we live in... sure can be fun though

[Master Jules]

Some people thrive on conflict and drama.....this woman sounds like she fits the bill so to speak.....youve offered her an explanation as to why you and your comments were taken the wrong way, in that you meant no malice towards anyone.....you have gone even further by apologizing for your comments, even though you were misunderstood......after explaining that you were misunderstood, and apologizing, she has chosen to not accept your explanation, nor your apology.....in good conscience, you have done all you can do......the ball is in her court so to speak......it is unfortunate that this woman seems to want to not accept your apology and explanation.....but thats now HER problem....NOT yours......although you are dissapointed, take solice in knowing that you have done all you can do, and let it go......go on with your life, and your training.....stay focused.......meditate before and after class.....get yourself into the "zone"......your training is the most important thing, both to you, and your students.....NEVER let anything or anyone interfere with training......my thoughts are with you......good luck......hopefully this woman will "come around"....if not......oh well.....HER loss.

[foreveryoung001]

Thank you MJ.

 

I must admit that today it is easier to focus more on the situation from an objective point of view. And I think you are right on with your observation, MJ. I do believe I have done what I can in order to rectify things between us. I will pray for her and her daughter, and hope that they can find peace about things, but I think I am done putting much more of my limited brain power towards this. I've got better things to think about...

 

 

 

Now, how do they get peanut butter inside the peanut butter cup? Hmmmm.

 

 

 

Thanks again everyone. All of your suggestions have been very helpful

[steveb]

One last comment. I agree with Master Jules comments wholeheartedly. However, there is one element of this that prevents you from just letting it go. The fact that you are both on the board of the dance studio requires you to take some precautions. The board must be notified that there has been a conflict between you two and told what you have done to rectify the situation. That way this other person cannot try to submarine you w/ the other boardmembers. The type of person who would react in this manner would also be the type who would try to blindside you. Good luck.