delta1 Posted July 17, 2004 Share Posted July 17, 2004 Someone sent me some jokes, and since not many people send me jokes, I thought I'd share them with you all. Actually, now that I think about it, people might send me jokes- I really don't know. Usually, by the time I check my e-mail, the box is full and, since I don't want to read that much * I just empty it. I figure, if it were that important, they'd call. Right? Any way, here: Here are the 10 first place winners in the International Pun Contest 1.. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." 2. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says "Dam!". 3. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too. 4. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron," The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." 5. Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication. 6. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. "But why?" they asked, as they moved off. "Because", he said, "I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer." 7. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." 8. These friars were behind on their belfry payments, so they opened up a small florist shop to raise funds. Since everyone liked to buy flowers from the men of God, a rival florist across town thought the competition was unfair. He asked the good fathers to close down, but they would not. He went back and begged the friars to close. They ignored him. So, the rival florist hired Hugh MacTaggart, the roughest and most vicious thug in town to "persuade" them to close. Hugh beat up the friars and trashed their store, saying he'd be back if they didn't close up shop. Terrified, they did so, thereby proving that only Hugh can prevent florist friars. 9. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him ...(Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good)..... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis. 10. And finally, there was the person who sent ten different puns to his friends, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did! Freedom isn't free! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aefibird Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 Definate groan material there delta1 Some 'oldies-but-goodies' there too! "Was it really worth it? Only time and death may ever tell..." The Beautiful South - The Rose of My CologneSheffield Steelers! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rotten Head Fok Posted July 18, 2004 Share Posted July 18, 2004 owww those are bad You must be stable and balanced in your foot work, if you have to use your martial knowledge in combat, your intent should be to win. If you do strike, you must release great power! The martial arts are easy to learn, but difficult to correct. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
battousai16 Posted July 20, 2004 Share Posted July 20, 2004 hey, did y'all hear about karl marx's grave? it's just another communist plot! "I hear you can kill 200 men and play a mean six string at the same time..."-Six String Samurai Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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