Preventing Fights

[kle1n]

Hello Guys

 

Since I had a fight a couple of weeks ago against a bunch of people, I thought I should think about what I did wrong. Now, I have found a problem. The problem is that I think that lots of dojos teach the student to be defensive in a verbal way and say things like:"whats the matter?" or "I don`t want to fight".I did the same but still got in a fight. I think it would have been more effective if I would have slapped the biggest guy and say things like:"If you want to fight, then come get some!" or something like that. That would have been much more intimidating.So, I think that this defensive attitude as taught alot in styles like Wing Tsun or Aikido does not prevent fights.I even think that it starts them even more, because the agressor thinks you are scared.What do you guys think?

 

(Sorry for my * english right now, but its nearly 3 am here in Germany )

[unknown]

preventing fights can be as simple as the way you carry yourself, your body language etc.

 

if you walk down the street very slowly looking down towards the ground you are obviously gonna be a prime target because you look vulnerable. on the contrary, if you hold you head up high and look people in their eyes and walk at a good pace people will most likely not mess with you all because you look confident.

 

works for me!

 

but when you talk about verbal de-escalation...that is an entirely different dynamic that can be argued and critiqued for days.

 

my own rule for myself is: walk away if you can, if you cant try and use words to de-esculate the situation, if they still wanna fight you....knock em' out

[Davantalus]

I once heard that one could say things like, "You *like* to have sex with pink elephants?" (or something equally confusing) to make people *think* before an assult (rape in this case). Perhaps the same is applicable in this case?

[WolverineGuy]

I still stand by talking people down. Slapping the biggest guy can get you in just as much trouble.

[Luckykboxer]

the idea behind telling someone you dont want to fight, and doing so multiple times is not only to try to stop the fight before it happens.

 

The other reasons for it are things such as..

 

to gather attention from other people in the area, the more people watching a situation, the greater the chance that peopel wont attack you, for fear of getting caught, or whatever.

 

also it does have the chance to stop people from attacking in some cases

 

if you also at the same time put your hands up in front of you with palms facing your attacker in a way that appears to say " i dont want to fight, please leave me alone, i have no weapons, i just want to go away.."

 

this puts yoru hands in a position to attack while at the same time giving the impression to your attackers that you are trying to avoid contact and avoid a fight.

 

also if there are bystanders they will all see you trying to speak your way out of a fight, and tryign to show you dont want to fight, and if it comes down to a fight you have eye witnesses to say that you both tried to talk a way out of it, and you tried to show you meant no harm or danger.

 

regardless of what you think about it, it is not only to get away from the fight.... although in most cases that is the best solution..

 

hope this helps

[ramymensa]

I think the "peaceful" way to handle the situation is only a cover. One must be aware and prepared for the conflict while trying to de-escalate the situation. It isn't a passive behaviour, although it could appear so. And it's important to prepare the "future". You should appear as the one who got attacked though tried to solve the problem in a peaceful way. I've read here about all the legal problems that could come after a fight and I think it's important to prepare your escape from this too.

 

Just an opinion though. I didn't fight on the streets yet. I'm a girl, I walk confident and never go alone at night.

[Red Triangle student]

I think the best way to go about a fight in the street is to have a neutral mind. The state of mind called Zanchin helps to prevent the mind from irrational thoughts. You should react to things appropriately.

[White Warlock]

Conflict resolution is not cut and dry and there is no one pill. It requires that you be sharp, confident, and in control of 'yourself' (not necessarily the other person). If someone is being aggressive, standing firm is 'generally' the better policy. Not stepping forward, nor stepping back... but staying where you are and communicating firmly the 'potential consequences' of a confrontation, including communicating the action as being a felony, the time generally served, the very real possibility that some or all participants could end up permanently disabled or even possibly dead. That jobs could be lost, faces disfigured, reproductive organs made inoperable, etc.

 

Posing reality to an aggressive person can 'often' snap them out of it. Not merely because of what you say, but because you give them enough time to stop and think. You give them enough time so that their adrenalin starts backing up on them, and they eventually start getting the shivers, which undermine their confidence and sap them of their will to fight. You can effect this in as little as 30 seconds, or as much as 5 minutes... but delaying a confrontation from getting physical, works to your advantage.

 

There are quite a few more factors associated with conflict resolution, but i'm heading to bed. Gnight.

[tommarker]

Keep in mind that if someone really really wants to fight you... all the time that you're trying to figure out what's going on and say "i don't want to fight" they are merely pumping themselves up internally, getting themselves psyched to fight. Once they have started this process, it is going to be very difficult to talk them back down, if not impossible.

 

In fact, saying "I don't want to fight you" may only encourage them. Now, in their eyes, you are just a punk. Keep in mind, there is a difference between saying "I don't wanna fight" while you are sweating, trembling and your glass is shaking, versus "I'm not in the mood to fight" while remaining perfectly calm.

 

one says "not only do i not want fight, I can't fight and you will beat me."

 

the other says "I don't want to fight, and you don't want me to, either."

 

What's the phrase? "Smile, be polite, and have a plan to kill everyone you meet..."

[Drunken Monkey]

hmm, i have never been told in any of my wing chun, or other kung fu classes that i should try to talk out of a fight...

 

i have been told that yes, i should not go looking nor should i encourage a fight to happen but i should also be aware of the possibility of it happening and if it does, sod all rules.

 

if i am being pushed into a fight i will treat the guy as an attacker that hasn't done anything yet.

 

it does not mean that my mind is in a 'talk out of it' mode.

 

if i ask them if they are sure they want to do this, i am not really trying to get them to back down

 

but rather giving myself a little more time to calm myself and to judge the situation and environment.

 

the act of saying it becomes my 'readying' procedure.

 

y'know,a s i say it, i fix my structure in prep for something to happen.

 

it also gives me a reason to get my hands up in a non-aggressive way (also for an 'instant' mun sau).

 

on the other hand, you could just go out fists blazing at the first sign of agression...

 

i think the crux of this topic is how ready you are when the poop hits the proverbial fan.

 

i think you've confused the 'talking down' aspect of things with not wanting to fight.