fear...

[kle1n]

i had a fight against 7 people in a tram two nights ago. at the beginning i had a adrenaline rush with fear which made me not use my training and fear was stopping me doing proper things.after some time when i got behind them in the tram to get a clear mind, i was still very frightend but started to remember my training.but right at that moment one of them said that the police where coming.damn i didnt loose or anything but i was so full of fear which made me really defensive and through that i couldnt show my true skill.this was infront of my girlfriend.although i didnt loose as i said, my pride is broken because i was to scared to properly show my skill.do u guys think i should give up martial arts and forget?i dont know what to do

[TheDevilAside]

Haha, 7 guys? Fighting infront of your girlfriend? I don't blame you for being scared.

 

No, don't quit.

[White Warlock]

There are many reasons why you may not have been able to approach the situation full-on:

 

1. Concern for your girlfriend's safety very likely interfered with your willingness to go full-on and just let things happen as they may. As such, you were more inclined for 'flight' than you were for 'fight.'

 

2. There were 7 of them! Even if there was only 1 person, the safety of your loved ones could promote a defensive posture, rather than an offensive one. I've seen, moreso, the opposite (offensive) in guys who really don't care about the welfare of their loved ones and are instead more concerned with the image of being a tough guy.

 

3. Presentation plays into it. You may have had an underlying fear of 'failing' in front of your girlfriend... and thus, rather than try to fight and lose, you found it easier not to fight.

 

4. Surprise... you weren't ready, they were. A group is able to psyche' themselves up much faster than a single individual and i'm of the impression you didn't pick that fight.

 

5. Bully syndrome. The reason they are called bullies, is because they charge in like a bull... throwing you off and generally making sure you stay on the defensive/submissive. Some people study this for decades and grow to be great wife beaters. Don't be put off your game because of a bully... just learn to create smaller windows of opportunity and learn to recognize a bully quicker, so you can pull yourself out of the defensive/submissive position quicker.

 

6. You may not have had a 'good' reason to fight, therefore you didn't have 'right' in mind.

 

7. Your goal in any confrontation is to come out alive. You won!

 

Plenty other things, i'm sure, play into this... so stop torturing yourself and instead take this incident as an opportunity to grow... to learn. Spend some good training time to discuss the various parts or to ruminate on it. Run through your mind all the various scenarios, and you'll find out that you probably handled it pretty dang good... considering the alternatives.

 

Last thing is to respect your 'higher' consciousness.

[kle1n]

thanks guys. i think it was 3,4,5 together. yeah i am much to defensive in general. I started to think about me since that incident and noticed that I am much to defensive in loads of situations in live. My attitude is much to submissive. Now I am happy this happened, because now I can grow and get a more offensive attitude.Pheraps my submissive fear could turn into offencive agression next time.Well anyway, as I said, I will not be submissve anymore!

 

White Warlock, No, I did not pick the fight. They came up to us and started to throw things at us and they wanted to hit my girlfriend.

 

I hate fights.

[White Warlock]

I recommend the route of 'assertive' over 'aggressive,' as the latter can bleed into your daily life in a negative way.

 

A training philosophy in san soo is that of predator/prey, where your opposition comes at you as the predator and you the prey. Your job is to turn it around, thinking of your opposition as the prey, thus turning you into the predator.

 

You in the mood for lunch? A little flesh rending maybe?

[muaythaifreak]

Don't discount aggression completely though. Aggression can be your friend but like anything else, it needs to be in moderation. An aggressive posture can in fact intimidate your opponent and cause them to doubt their own intentions and abilities. Aggression implies self confidence, self confidence, even false self confidence can intimidate if seen as real by your opponent. It is a fine line though. And intimidation is a large part of fighting. A scared opponent, as you know, can be less aggressive and therefore less dangerous.

[kle1n]

My Girlfriend lives near the house where they live. I will have to go there with my friend who is a MA to and settle things properly now. I dont want to take any risk and have my girlfriend injured or even worse.

[muaythaifreak]

Be careful showing up in force with backup. That will more than likely lead to an ego thing, probably escalating things. I'm all for confronting things and nipping them in the bud, but you have to do it with finesse. Kill 'em with kindness so to speak. If you do confront them, I'd do it passively. Until passivity is no longer an option.

[kle1n]

Thats what I will do. The good thing in Germany is that even in poor places hardly anyone has a gun.I do not think though that passivity will be a successful option with those wannabe thugs.But I need to protect my Girlfriend and if I am honest prove something to myself.

 

If I think about it, it was more likely the first possible reason you listed up white warlock

[embm]

If you forgot your training, I would say you need to spend more time training. There is a lot to be said for muscle memory and the only way you get it is by training, training, training