Jaert3

trust me , that is not the reason i practice karate , it just bugs me that i only started to improve my self just now , while i could of done it earlier and who knows i might of won something and be recognized by that victory. i've read this somewhere:

i understand what you're saying and i thank you for your replays. but Kieran-Lilith , you said: and thats exactly whats bugging me , did i miss out on any chance i ever had to be at their level? the thing is , am not the kind that settles for so little.

i think you got me wrong , i wasn't embaressed of my self for loosing , i was embaressed of my self for not training enough.

ok so i came back from japan about 4 days ago after being in the 9th skif world championship , and when i was there , i was embaressed of my self after seeing the performance of japanese students in kata , i knew that i need so much more improvement i didint win any matches in the championship , but the whole championship was a wake up call , i then decided to become better and better in kata and kumite. now i know this is weird but , i then started getting this annoying feeling that its to late , i am now 14 years old and will turn 15 in the 24th of december , i have a 1st degree black belt which i have since about a year now (my score was 98/100 in the black belt test which was given to me by hirokazu kanazawa) , you might wonder what i mean by to late , well what i mean is , even if i do become great in kata and kumite , from now on any achievement of mine in competitions wouldn't have any value because of my age , because i have this thought that the older you are the less the value of your achievements is. and as lame or whatever it might seem , i like to be noticed from a crowd of others , and now its to late and i will never get that feeling again , i ones went to a gojuryu championship and in kumite i got first place and everyone started telling me how great i was and that made me so happy and confident , and from now on , noone would care and it just wouldn't feel the same. for example if i start focusing more on improving my kata and kumite / start practicing gymnastics or whatever , it wouldn't be special , I wouldn't be special , because i would never settle for being just good or normal. also it took me 7 years to get the black belt because the first sensi i had never made any tests , she (yes she) waited untill for example all the green belts are at the required level and gave them all blue belts (which i definetly hate) , so it took me like one year just to get the yellow belt , and that still makes me angry because in other places students get belts much quicker which allows them to practice on much advanced things at a younger age and i keep thinking that i should of gotten it earlier and started practicing at a high level much earlier and maybe then i would of ben way better. so now i keep thinking that many years were wasted , and that wake up call came to late , i am having this sort of regret and i am now feeling as if its not worth it to start improving my self and practicing other things. because if you're like 15 or 16 it would be a pretty normal/expected thing to be great at something like in martial arts , and now i've missed any chance i ever had to stand out from the others. please take this seriously , because this is very important for me right now , i really need to listen to what you have to say