i read this three or four times already, and it remined me of my first belt test that i failed"twice"...i deffenitly know how you feel..i even thought about quiting all together thats how bad it was for me..but eventally you're drawn back to it whether you like it or not.. after awhile its something that become apart you, and then you it find it even more unbearable not doing it, then failing at it...just give yourself time, let it happen naturally...you get to a certain point your life when you get that "fire" you'll never be rid of it...even if something like this puts it out..it will eventually come back.....it always does...