LostAtKarate

Mini-update I had not gone to class for January yet due to a massive uptick in work (I had warned him about that though). So I decided to make the time to go this morning. We did not continue the discussion... but it was a goood class. And sometimes in the kind of situation we're in, that's as good as you can ask for, just a good class. Nothing felt awkward, nobody's feelings were hurt during that hour and a half, it was just a good class. Don't know if things are any better, but I feel better for the time being anyway. Hopefully it'll all work itself out in time.

@ gunner... you are correct. I just realized it too late @Matsu... you are correct as well on the switching roles bit I asked him to meet and he said he couldn't (which is fine, he had fair reasons). This exchange on the request to meet happened through text on iPhone/iPad and unintentionally grew into the actual discussion. Gotta tell ya, it could not have gone worse. Went down a path that had nothing to do with why I wanted to talk to him. While I left the conversation mildly frustrated, I think he left it quite irritated. He did keep pressing on one issue that I thought had nothing to do with anything, and so I kept trying to redirect the conversation more to the "meat" of the matter (being that I'm willing to help, help me figure out or just tell me "how")... and so it's that (seemingly minor) issue that I think I'm going to try to make baby steps towards putting my money where my mouth is on... see if that does anything to help. If it doesn't, my time there will probably be limited... and that's really not what I want. Thanks for the ears guys.

Was gonna quote different sections, but that's WAY too hard on an iPad... so... No worries... if there is anything he isn't, it's violent. Most mellow fellow you will ever meet. The meeting outside the dojo is more about time constrainsts, rushing, etc. Whether it's in or outside the dojo, I'll keep y'all posted.... but it may take a while as I'm on a short Karate break due to excessive work, so if it has to wait till I see him at Karate it may be a lil while

If there is anything I can assure you of... I am not him. Thanks again.

Thanks for the welcome, And this is what I came into it believing as well, and still agree with, however most experiences I've had with the martial arts in these parts tends to not support that notion however. This current Sensei I believe "gets" it too, however I let my perspective be somewhat skewed by my first school, in which the teacher himself was -very- good.... but was almost never there... and did not leave someone specific to take over for him when not there... so, you could have a yellow belt leading class.... frequently. So I told myself that I would not let myself be "used" (in the more negative connotation) in that way at this new school. The difference is, this new school doesn't use people in the same way, they may "make use" of people, but with their consent, or at the very least "knowledge" beforehand. I believe the current sensei however does believe that he should be able to count on upper ranks for support, and I take no issue with that, now that I "get" it. Now for most of the rest of your post, I can't say I 100% agree (I possibly agree up to bout 60%) My Sensei does not do this "for a living", he does it because he likes it (charges a small fee, but I'd say at least 80-90% of that get circulated back in some form to the students/school) and a lot of his time is eaten up by it, if he can't have "friends" in the dojo, where else might he make new friends? Now I do agree that there are risks involved with that practice, and I think he knows it too, because he has mentioned it biting him before (in a different way, someone who contributed a lot of money to different events thought he should have more say in how things are run, and got butt-hurt one time when he didn't get a grade he thought he "deserved"... so he left). So that is at least part of what I think he's doing with me now, trying to "right a wrong" by becoming too friendly at first (which is ok for some people, but I don't think it was a good choice for my particular personality)... it is just my belief that he is somewhat "overcorrecting" is all. Gone from one to the other, hoping it might settle in the middle one of these days.... it's just that "settling" doesn't appear to be happening. I do agree with you (and Ashworth) that communication is key. I will see if I can have a proper conversation about this with him. I have tried before, but it was generally "reactionary" and reacting to something that happened. If it's more of a general discussion, away from the dojo when we are not both looking to get home after class, it may go over better. Here's to hoping! And thanks for "listening".

My Sensei is a good guy. I used to think of him as a friend even. Years ago, we'd hang and shoot the breeze after class etc. I however am not a "good" student.. never have been. Technique-wize nor etiquette (I think I'm one of those whos personality is not well suited to "traditional" Karate practice... but love it just the same). But even so, years ago he would encourage me to help him "teach", which is something that should admittedly be happening at much lower rank than I was at the time (I came to him from a different school at a "high" kyu rank), but due to fear/shyness/insecurity/personality issues, i would "discourage" that as often as possible (with it being only being "forced" on me occasionally anyway... which is a good thing). Being the cheapskate that I am, he was even kind enough to offer "teaching time in exchange for my fees"... at first kyu! Both because I think he could see that I needed the encouragement, and also because he genuinely could use the help. Due to insecurity, I of course turned it down. I am a black belt now. Even after first becoming black belt, he still strongly encouraged me to teach more, and increased other very minor "responsibilities" but I'd still try to let him know that I didn't think I was "ready" or "good enough" or blah blah blah, for that and occasionally he'd still "force" me, and sometimes not. Flash forward to a few years later. I still believe him to be a "really good guy", and a great Sensei, but whether or not we are still "friends" is hard to say at this point (he's not "mean" by any stretch, its just the comfort level and comradery we once shared, appears to be gone) and I think he is understandably, a lot less tolerant of my personality now. I believe he does the best for his students in general, but through my own fault and personality issues, I believe I have forced him to somewhat "give up" on me. He doesn't completely "not train" me, but I feel like I am thought of more like a transient student, that is only here for a short while, so no focus is given to me, but I am also not "used". I feel like I am neither a student nor am I being groomed to be a "leader" (just to put it out there.. I am an adult btw), even though I see others at lower ranks being groomed in such a way, mostly because they are indeed more personable and accomodating. I have expressed my "change of heart" and my willingness/desire to be "used" (moreso to be "useful") to which his response was "I no longer have a use for you in that capacity" (there were more words than that said to explain his thinking (though those words in quotes, were indeed used), but that was the gist). I feel like I have no place in the dojo, even though I still think he's a "good guy" and I still think he is one of the best teachers around here (im not willing to switch schools over this, though it may be time to at least look for a "different" athletic kind of hobby... maybe one that is more "singular" and that I can do by myself). It feels as though I'm not a student, I'm not being groomed to be any kind of "assistant", I'm just "there" (I actually have no real problem with "just" being a student either... as long as I received the training and corrections that a true student would, but that is somewhat missing as well). I still thoroughly enjoy everything I get out of Karate (vicariously through others), but I'm also discouraged at the same time. I have tried for over a year, sometimes admittedly failing, to improve myself to become a "better student" (more to do with personality/etiquette than technique), but its not something he's noticed, and I'm not sure what else to "change"... I have actually asked, but not been given anything tangible to work towards. Basically he has done a fantastic job of encouraging me to the point of believing I "could do this", all while I discouraged him into believing I was no longer "right" for the part. If you have advice, I'd listen, (even if it is just to "suck it up and get over it") but I'm not sure this is something that can be "fixed" at this point, as I believe his mind to be pretty well made up about me and my "usefulness". I think this is more of a vent than anything.