BigGuy

How do you know that the toothbrush was invented by hillbillies??? Because otherwise it would be called a TEETHbrush!!!

You are correct niel0092 I boe to the greatness of the spork.

As weapons I would also use the chopsticks. I mean those pointy ends on a fork and sharp edges on a knife just seem to get in the way when I want to kill someone at dinner.

A man walks into a bar, and a dog starts barking. The bartender points a shotgun at the man and asks," Are you a computer geek"? The man says "Noway I'm a truckdriver" "well my dog thinks you smell like a computer geek." THe driver replies that he's hauling a load of computers and the smell may be on him. The bartender says" you better be glad because its open season on geeks since the dot com crashes. You can shoot 'em on sight." The driver leaves and as he is driving down the road a geek with glasses, pocket protector,and suspenders runs out in front of him. The driver swerves to miss him and overturns his trailer sending computers everywhere. Soon geeks are everywhere grabbing up the computers so the driver pulls out his gun and starts shooting. About that time a state trooper pulls up and makes him stop. "what are you doing " asks the trooper "shooting geeks " says the driver "you cant do that" replies the trooper "But I thought it was open season for comp.geeks" The driver say To which the trooper replies" Why sure it is....But You can't Bait'em"

Sorry monkeygirl that joke probably should have gone in another thread.

No good deed goes unpunished Nature is a mother Friends come and go, but enemies accumulate The other line always moves faster A pipe gives a wise man time to think and a fool something to stick in his mouth In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet. There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over A bird in hand is safer than one overhead Celibacy is not hereditary Never play leapfrog with a unicorn If everything seems to be going well, you obviously don't know what is going on In case of doubt, make it sound convincing Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference

Darn I've have got to get the prescription checked on these glasses I thought this thread was something else entirley. Maybe they should legalize cannibis as a cure for Cannibalism. Wait it gives you the munchies so nevermind.

I don't believe that cannibals should be legalized. It seems very disgusting and barbaric to me. I can't believe this is still going on in todays time. What is the world coming to when people want to legalize cannibals.

Just my oppinion but, I think there is a big difference between racisim and racial profiling. It shouldn't be called racial profiling in the first place. A better name would be suspect profiling. The terrorists on 9/11 were all of middle east decent, therefore dosen't it make sense to keep an eye on people of middle east decent. If a black guy robbed a bank would it make sense to also look out for white guys and mexicans just so you are not guilty of "racial profiling". No you look for the people who are suspects. If all of the terrorists were overwieght white guys with brown hair and a mustache then I would expect to be checked out. On the other hand if a police officer is pulling over a black,mexican,arab, or even a white guy , just because he dosen't like that particular skin color that is racisim and that is what needs to stop. If your going to dislike someone dislike the product not the package. Do you pick you favorite candy bar by the color of package it comes in. I don't and thats all skin is, a package. It's whos inside that counts they could be the sweetest person on earth or who knows they could turn out to be nuts. Take the time to find out. Later BigGuy

Here are some more numbers for you. Number of gun owners in the US: 80,000,000. Number of accidental gun deaths per year (all age groups): 1,500. Accidental deaths per gun owner: 0.0000188 Number of physicians in the US: 700,000. Accidental deaths caused by physicians per year: 120,000. Accidental deaths per physician: 0.171 Statistically, medical doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners. "FACT: Not everyone has a gun, but almost everyone has at least one Medical Doctor." Please alert your friends to this alarming threat. We must ban medical doctors before this gets out of hand. As a Public Health Measure, I have withheld the statistics on Lawyers for fear that the shock could cause people to seek medical aid. Also I think Mechanical Pencils should be ok if you take a training course and have a permit.

Drop them both and stick your face right in the plate. I do use chop sticks ....but only for soup!!!

A Dog limps into a bar. The bartender says" what'll be" And the dog replies " I'm looking for the man who shot my paw"

A man and a woman are messing around when they hear someone pull in the driveway . "It's my husband" the woman says. "Hide quick" The man grabs his clothes and jumps in the closet. He hears a small voice say " It sure is dark in here" The guy looks over to see the womans son in the closet with him. " The guy tells the boy to be quiet to which the boy responds " But its dark in here and I'm ascared of the dark" The guy says" look I'll give you 50 bucks just be quiet" The boy takes the money and dosen't say another word. Later the husband leaves and the man is able to get away. The next Sunday the little boy goes to church. His mother tells him he has to go to confession. As the boy steps in and shuts the door he says "It sure is dark in here" to which the priest in the next booth replies" Oh No, Your not going to start this again are you?'

I think the worst I've ever seen was Van Damms first movie, No Retreat NO Surender. Had some kid who kept seeing the ghost of Bruce Lee or some crap like that . Only good thing was that Van Damm Got his butt kicked by aa teenager at the end. Great White Nija Rocked!!!!!!

When my daughter started MA she couldn't wait to tell everyone I had to explain to her why this wasn't a good Idea. People wanting her to prove it could easily end up in a real fight. She hates keeping it a secret but she understands why. So I told her she could tell when she's a little more advanced ..that way at least she could kick their butt if they did actualy start somthing.

just as a bonus heres a letter from a redneck mom to her son. Dear Billy joe Bob, I'm writting this slow because I know you can't read fast. We don't live where we did when you left home. Your Pa read in the newspaper that most accidents happen within 20 minutes of your home, so we moved. The address is the same though because we took the house numbers with us when we moved. This place is really nice. I even has a washing machine. I'm not sure it works so well, though, Last week I put a load of clothes in and pulled the chain, we haven't seen it since. The weather isn't bad here. It only rained twice last week; the first time for three days and the second time for four days. About that coat you wanted me to send; your Uncle Bubba said it would be too heavy to send in the mail with the buttons on, so we cut them off and put them in the pockets. Bubba locked his keys in the car yesterday. We were really worried because it took him two hours to get me and your father out. Your sister had a baby this morning, ( it looks just like your brother), but I haven't found out what it is yet so I don't know if you are an aunt or uncle. Your father got a new job! He now has over 300 people under him. He's mowing the lawn over at the cemetary. Uncle Bobby Ray fell into a whiskey vat last week. Some men tried to pull him out but he fought them off and drowned. We had him cremated; he burned for three days. Three of your friends went off a bridge in a pickup truck. Butch was driving. He rolled down the window and swam to safety. Your other two friends were in the back, they drowned because they couldn't get the tailgate down. Your Favorite Aunt (PS I was going to send the money you asked for but I had already sealed the envelope

1. No gravy, I'm watching my cholesterol. 2. We don't keep firearms in this house. 3. We're vegetarians. 4. Wrasslin's fake! 5. You can't feed that to the dog. 6. No kids in the back of the pickup. It is just not safe. 7. My fiance, Bobbi Jo, is registered at Tiffany's. 8. Forget Nascar, lets watch Touched By an Angel. 9. Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Peggy. 10. Can you bake that chicken instead of frying it?

Why the sun lightens our hair, but darkens our skin? Why women can't put on mascara with their mouth closed? Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"? Why is "abbreviated" such a long word? Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"? Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"? Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons? Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker? Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour? Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food? When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it? Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes? Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections? You know that indestructible black box that is used on airplanes? Why don't they make the whole plane out of that stuff? Why don't sheep shrink when it rains? Why are they called apartments when they are all stuck together? If con is the opposite of pro, is Congress the opposite of progress?

If you ride my tail I'll flip a booger on your windshield. Keep honking I'm reloading. My kid can beat up your honor student This car makes sudden stops for no particular reason

Wami Brgar Eda Valiant of viagra Really : Eda Valiant of Pepcid

The race is not always to the swift nor the battle to the strong, but that's the way to bet

I see said the blind man to his deaf daughter! Why don't canabals eat clowns? because they tast funny? Remember that no day is so bad that you cant make it worse. Stress: What happens when your better judgment keeps you from kicking the living crap out of someone who really deserves it. Friends come and go but enemies accumulate Celibacy is not hereditary Never play leapfrog with a unicorn If everything seems to be going well...you obviously don't know whats going on Never argue with a fool people might not know the difference. And as my dad would always say when I said "Well" " Such a deep subject for a shallow mind"

O'malley is drinking in the bar one night and orders another drink. The bartender cuts him of and tells him hes had too much to drink and that he needs to go home. O'Malley stands up to leave and falls flat on his face. He trys to get up and falls again. He drags himself out the door and trys to stand up again. FLOP right on his face. He only lives a block or so away so he drags himself home. He trys to stand at the door but falls again. he crawls up the staris and trys to stand one last time and falls on the bed where he passes out for the night. The next morning he wakes to his wife shaking him and yelling at him.. "you were at the bar last night wern't you" she said "no my dear" repies O'Malley "Yes you were....I know you were" his wife says "Ok ok how did you know" says O'malley "Frank the bartender called ....you left your wheelchair there again"

It's not a question of if I will join but when. Right now I am getting with my doctor and maybe considering surgery. If thats the case I will wait until after the recovery so I don't have to start and then stop for a while. If not then I will probably join real soon. I've seen a lot of heavy guys in the movies and in some demonstrations and stuff. I really just wanted an outside oppinion on the subject and you all came thru just fine. Thanks. Ill keep you up to date. BG

Everyone Thank you for your advice I appreciate you maturity in helping me with this issue. I will be considering further what I should do. I have already gotten with my doctor about my wieght and may have to have surgery to correct the problem. If this is the case it will put Kung fu on hold until after the recovery. Either way I will be pursuing this further. Once again thanks for all lof your help. Samo Hung in Martial Law was one of my favorite shows by the way.