Martialart

I don't know. You're probably right. Between now and a couple years from now, my mind will probably change 16 times.

Thank you. I couldn't have said it better myself.

That might makes right. Something all bullies already know. Bullying a bully makes the bully worse--maybe not to you, but later on to someone else.

Agreed. Especially in adult years and in the workplace. These are the people who press and press always hoping you'll lash out at them so they can say, "I don't know what happened; he (or she) just flew off the handle at me, and all I was trying to do was show her how to do this or that." For instance, I know a woman at work who is a bully. She's also the most gregarious and social person on the unit. Everyone loves her. And yet, she talks about everyone who loves her behind their back. She plots and schemes, and she can be hugging someone and smiling with them one minute, and as soon as they leave the room turn to another and say, "Don't ever trust that person. They do this and this, and they've done it with everyone in the hosptial, and they...on and on." Yet she was just hugging them and smiling at them and pretending to be their best friend. And you can't talk bad about her because she's been there so long and is friends with all the managers. To say anything would mean it getting back to her, and her in turn trying to ruin you in the eyes of the supervisors and coworkers. I have been fortunate to see all this ahead of time and sidestep her for the most part. I also happen to be good at my job, get along well with others, and I have no problem working on nights with an old nurse who no one else wants to work with (I think she's fine once you take the time to get to know her.). So, I'm in like cement. But I can't help thinking it would be really good to see the downfall of this most evil type of workplace bully. But, truth be known, she's moved to another shift, the people she's attacked the most have moved on or away, and so it's not really my affair anymore--it never actually was. But I am fortunate to have seen it so I can understand it. Is there such a thing as mental martial arts?

I'm glad to hear the stories of those who have overcome bullying, and from those stories and others, and from my own experiences, I know the only way to stop a bully is to stand up for yourself, no matter what that means. Bullies always look for someone weaker. My experience has been that bullies want to dominate and humiliate; they don't want to stand toe-to-toe and fight every time they try to pick on someone. That's not the fun of bullying. In fact, fights are not the same thing as bullying or being bullied. If you challenge someone to a fight who's making fun of you and a fight ensues--that's not bullying. Bullying is always one person trying to dominate and humiliate another. They've tried to stop it, but there's no way to stop it. It's too complex of a dynamic. There is something within some of us (myself included) that just wants to beat the heck out of a sissy. There's something wild in our nature that when we see something weak, we have to chase it and take it down--like a lion after a baby zebra--especially if that zebra is standing out. But that only explains the physical violence--it doesn't explain the bullies need to dominate and humiliate. Most likely, the serial bully has a personality disorder (usually a narcisstic personality disorder). That's why they have to be stood up to. But a person can be a target of bullies by creating the bullies that surround them out of people who normally wouldn't bully people. Few targets can be helped. It's hard to get a kid to admit they're being bullied, so discovering those who need help is hard enough. It's hard to define bullying, because a kid whose getting in a lot of fights is not necessarily being bullied. And then, too, the chronic target may be the kid who actually identifies and seems satisfied being a victim of bullies in that they will do nothing to change the situation. These types often become the followers of bullies. And then some kids are so off that there's nothing that can be done--such as the kid who insists on being openly gay in high school, or the kid who may actually be a very bad person themselves and though it seems like bullying, it's really just Divine justice playing out. I knew a kid who was bullied in school who later turned out to be a child rapist--even while he knew he had AIDS. In that case, had this individual been killed by bullies, we would see it as a tragedy, but it really wouldn't have been. To actually come across a "Daniel-son" (The kid in Karate Kid who was an otherwise good guy, normal guy, but being treated unfairly and getting beat up all the time by bullies who just didn't like his face) is very rare. And, if you watch that movie, Daniel wasn't really bullied. He pretty much instigated every instance in which he was beat up, he was never humiliated or dominated, he was just on the losing end of fights. He stood up for himself, he just needed to learn how to win. That's the problem with bullying. It's like a mirage. You go to get a hold of it, and its not there, but then it is there, and then it's gone again. Or you find yourself on one hand hating bullies and on the other being a bully. I'm sorry, but in Karate Kid III, daniel is getting dumpy in the butt, he's being dominated by a girl who uses him, he whines and stresses out constantly, and you get to the point where you want to see him get beat up by the bullies. It's hard to know what to do.

That's how I feel. Of course I didn't say that to my owner/master (excuse me: the owner/master).

In some situations, I'm sure that would work. In many situations with bullies, though, avoiding them is impossible, and that's the problem.

Yeah, I don't think I would start my own style. I think I would stick with traditional Taekwondo. And I've been lots of colors of belts. white, yellow, green, blue, red, back to white and now green again. I know enough to know the wheel is not worth re-inventing.

I know this is a very sensitive subject for most people, especially if they have become bigger through martial arts. It may be something they want to forget.

Though the shock of this revelation has nearly caused me to cough my coffee through my nose, I have to say I agree for once with Toptomcat. As one who is not naturally flexible--but works very hard to become flexible--I have to watch my level of pain closely. I'm tough enough to take a lot of pain in training, but that doesn't mean it's the best thing for me. In fact it can be a problem. Sensei 8 is probably trying to toughen our spirits with this inspirational post. But those who are already tough should ignore it, because it can cripple you in a hurry. But in my school, there's a lot of people who hope for the easiest instructor, the lightest sparring match, the fewest pushups, etc. Those are the ones who need to heed the advice of the OP.

Did you ever bully anyone?

Since we're all anonymous here, I was wondering if anyone could share a story about being bullied, and how, if at all you dealt with it (even if unsuccessfully). If you teach martial arts, have you ever specifically helped someone who was targeted by bullies? What advice (anyone) would you give to someone who is being bullied? Thanks to anyone brave enough to talk about it. I know it can dig up some really painful feelings.

Why do they want that info? It sounds like you're trying to get a security clearance in the military!

Yes, that makes good sense. That's what we'll do when and if the day ever comes. Thanks.

If I did that, I'd start a school now. Bruce Lee had nothing. He wasn't a black belt in anything. He took Wing Chung for a bit, but never really advanced in it. He was an actor primarily. People don't get this, or don't want to. But what Lee had was an original idea about martial arts that came from a rather small exposure to it. In other words, exactly what a movie actor would need. I'm not criticizing JKD. I know nothing about it, except that it was created by a very inexperienced and young martial artist who was first and foremost an actor whose moves are speeded up on the film to look faster than they are. Those are the facts. JKD may be great for this very reason. As for me. I have a long history with Karate and Taekwondo, but because of the military, I moved around too much to get a black belt, but now it looks like we'll be able to. I have an original psychological approach to training that has worked wonders for me--I think it could work for others, too. I probably wouldn't start a new style, but would instead teach Taekwondo and affiliate with some Taekwondo organization (though it wouldn't be the International Taekwondo Alliance). So, in truth, I probably bring more to the table than Bruce Lee did, though chances are, I will never be as successful as he was. But who knows? Right time, right place.